


Jynxed

by jynx



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Teen Wolf (TV), The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Derek is a snarky bastard, Durin Family Feels, F/M, Gen, Girl!Kili - Freeform, Glass Arrows, M/M, Masked ball, One Shot One Kill, Pacific Rim AU, Paradox of Love, Smaug is a cat, Stiles is a BAMF, The Hollow Cafe, Zombie AU, asexual kili, bonded, drunk!Fili, let them eat cake, mer!kili, random aus from prompts, random fandoms, remus is totally done with your bullshit, sniper au, space babies, yes you read that correctly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-27
Updated: 2014-02-17
Packaged: 2017-12-13 03:30:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 77
Words: 21,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/819444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jynx/pseuds/jynx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr prompts go here. A bunch of random little ficlets that I got prompted for. Chapter titles will show the prompt and the summary will be the fandom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ubermensch (Teen Wolf)

**Author's Note:**

> I did a thing over on Tumblr where people gave me big vocab words and I wrote stuff for it. I have a lot left so I'm just gonna pop them here when done. And probably leave this open for whenever I get prompted again so it's easily found. Cuz I can't tag asks on Tumblr (which is mean if you ask me).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> snarkasaurus asked: ubermensch
> 
> (Teen Wolf because I honestly could NOT resist)

“How come you haven’t offered me the bite?” Stiles demanded, cornering Derek in his kitchen. “You’ve offered and bitten everyone else, why not me?”

“You don’t need it,” Derek said as he tried to move around Stiles.

“No, no, that’s not an excuse,” Stiles said, moving with Derek to keep blocking him. “Peter offered it. You haven’t. Why?”

“You. Don’t. Need. It.”

Stiles crossed his arms over his chest and stared Derek down. He could out stubborn the alpha if he had to. And over this he thought he had to. Derek looked away first, shaking his head. 

“You’re impossible,” he said.

“Yeah, tell me something I don’t know,” Stiles said.

“Ever heard of an ubermensch?” Derek asked. The look Stile leveled at him could have written an entire encyclopedia. Derek rolled his eyes. “Yes, fine. Stupid question. If I gave you the bite, you’d be one.”

Stiles grinned. “You think so?”

Derek reached out and grabbed Stiles by the very fluffy hair and pushed him out of the way like he would with a recalcitrant puppy. “Goodbye, Stiles.”

“You think I’d be a demigod? That is so badass.”

“Good. Bye.”


	2. Strikhedonia (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> daisykatherine asked: I had a hard time narrowing down the words, they are all so great. So I picked Strikhedonia. And I would love to see something in the Short Skirt verse. Because that verse is amazing and makes me all flaily. Thank you! :)

It was their last night in Greece and Fili had gotten them one final cruise on the Aegean Sea. Kili was dressed in a white sundress, the gauzy material blowing against her legs as she watched the land get further and further away from them. She looked over her shoulder when she heard someone approach and smiled when she saw Fili walking towards her with the captain of the ship.

“Hey, beautiful,” Fili said, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her gently. It was still something of a thrill, being able to kiss each other in public like this. Kili made a soft noise of appreciation, leaning into Fili happily. “I have something to ask you,” Fili said once the kiss was ended.

“What?” Kili asked, holding his hand and just reveling in the closeness they had. Something they would have to give up when they went back home.

Fili kissed her and went down on one knee, smiling. “Would you marry me, Kee?”

Kili stared at him, mouth dropping open slightly in shock. She looked over at the smiling Captain and down at Fili. “You really want to?” she asked, tucking some of her hair behind her ear.

“Yes,” Fili said. “More than anything in the world.”

Kili tugged on his hand, making him stand, and kissed him. “Then you already know my answer.”

“Take pity on me and let me hear the words?”

“Of course I’ll marry you, Fee,” Kili said, smiling so wide that it was almost painful. “Of course I will.”


	3. Myrmecophobia (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> snarkasaurus asked: Myrmecophobia- Fear of ants.
> 
> …this is a mean prompt D: BUT HEY. SOMEONE ELSE CAN SHARE MY TERROR. For the record, the event Kili mentions actually happened in my last apartment. I was traumatized.
> 
> Also, this is…something else. Not Glass Arrows, not ShortSkirts…just. *shrug* DUNNO. ITS SOMETHING.

“What the hell was that?” Kili asked, a slice of pizza halfway to his mouth.

Fili was finishing off a mozzarella stick, looking away from the TV to his brother’s horrified face. “What’s what?”

Kili pointed at the black insect, an ant, as big as a quarter, crawling across the floor by the coffee table. He was horrified, drawing his legs up onto the couch and close to his body. He tossed his pizza slice back into the box and started edging closer to Fili. Fili watched him, smiling, as Kili crawled his way behind Fili, almost edging him off the couch.

“Please don’t tell me you’re afraid of a bug,” Fili said.

“It’s not just a bug,” Kili hissed. “It’s an ant. A mother fucking HUGE ass ant!”

“What’s with you and ants anyway?” Fili asked, getting up off the couch to grab a shoe.

Kili pressed against the back of it, watching the large ant make its way across the floor and up the leg of the coffee table. “You remember our last place?”

“I remember the kitchen was a nightmare,” Fili said, lifting the pizza box off the table and slamming his shoe down on the ant with a loud crunch.

Kili flinched as Fili dropped his sneaker to the ground and used a paper towel to clean up the dead ant carcass. Kili squirmed, getting up off the couch and grabbing the canister of Clorax wipes and started cleaning the coffee table, the leg, and bit of floor Kili knew the foul creature had been on. Fili watching in in amusement.

“So, I came home from class one night when you were off on that hiking trip with your frat brothers,” Kili said. “And the kitchen counters were this sea of black writhing bodies. Like, it was covered in nothing but ants. No reason for them to be there, no food or anything, but they just were. I vacuumed them all up and started putting up traps and using a bunch of so-called proven home remedies to ants. None of it worked. I found them in the cat’s kibble, in food that had never been opened before, all over. It freaked me out.”

Fili frowned. “I don’t remember that.”

Kili tossed the Clorox wipe in the trash and sat down on the couch again, knees to his chest, keeping a wary eye on the floor. “Yeah, I got rid of them. Freaked me out but yeah, they were gone. Besides, ever since Smaug’s been more than happy to chow down on whatever creepy crawly happens to show up in the apartment.”

“Our cat,” Fili laughed. “Bug catcher.”

“He has to earn his keep too, you know,” Kili said.


	4. Cotton Candy (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ceealaina asked: No wait, I changed my mind on the last one! Kili and THORIN, short skirts, cotton candy XD

“Do you remember the last time I took you to the circus?” Thorin asked as they wandered around outside the big top before the show. “You were…what, seven? Eight? Couldn’t stop running around, wanting to see the tigers and lions.”

Kili chuckled, her hands in the pockets of her sweatshirt. “Yeah, I remember. Fili had the flu and you wanted to help mom out so you took me out. Cotton candy and peanuts, the elephants and the tigers. It was nice.”

“We never got enough time alone, just the two of us, when you were growing up.”

Kili shrugged, watching a couple of children running around. “You were always so busy with EI. You did what you could and that’s what matters.”

“I’m trying to make up for some of it now,” Thorin said, looking uncomfortable as he crossed his arms and looked off to the side. Kili recognized it as the move of a proud man trying to hide his unease. She was very familiar with the body language of her uncle; she saw it in Fili every so often.

Kili smiled and reached out, taking Thorin’s hand. “C’mon, Uncle, let me buy you some cotton candy and then we’ll go find our seats.”


	5. Capernoited (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kilifilithorinandco asked: Fili/Kili (short skirt verse), Capernoited

“You are so drunk,” Kili said as she helped Fili out of the car. “So unbelievably drunk.”

“The sky is full of hoooooles,” Fili sang off key as his head flopped back. “White dots in a black sky.”

“Drunk,” Kili sighed. “You wanna tell me why?”

“Think the sky will fall some day? All the holes’ll get bigger and bigger until they’re not holes anymore and the sky will just be this big white thing?”

Kili stopped, blinking at her brother as he pulled away enough to stumble up the stairs to their door and then inside. Kili followed, closing the door behind them and arming the alarm, and watched as Fili staggered around the living room.

“The sky doesn’t have any color,” Fili said very seriously as Kili sat down on the couch. He stumbled, pinning her there with his hands, and smiling down at her. “Did you know that? No color. It just reflects everything.”

Kili leaned forward and kissed him. “Yes, I did know that.”

“It’s like me!” Fili said with a wide smile, his voice slightly songy. “I’m nothing without you to reflect.”

Kili stared at him, eyes wide. Fili slumped to the side, curling up against her on the couch and nuzzling at her tiredly. Kili reached up, running her hands through Fili’s hair and scratching lightly at his scalp.

“I’m nothing without you too,” Kili said.

Fili’s hand flailed around until Kili took it in her free one, still scratching Fili gently. He brought it to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “You know what we should do? We should adopt. I wanna raise a family with you.”

Kili felt her heart stop for the second time that night. She tried to smile and just leaned forward, burying her face against Fili’s shoulder. “We’ll talk about it when you’re sober, okay?”

“Mmkay,” Fili said, pulling her close and winding his arms around her chest.


	6. Buttons (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ceealaina asked: Fili/Kili (any) buttons
> 
> Uuuhm. So. I knew how I wanted to do this but I couldn’t decide which verse to do. So, since I did Hoodie I’m kind of in a girl!Kili mood. So!

Kili squeaked as Fili threw her against the door and covered her mouth with his. He pulled back, biting her lip before letting go and smiling at her. “You’re wearing my shirt,” he told her. Kili leaned against the wood and couldn’t help but pop her hip out teasingly. “You know what it does to me when you wear my clothes.”

“I was sort of counting on that,” Kili said. She had just come in from the pool and had pulled on one of Fili’s dirty work shirts and a pair of ripped up jeans on her walk inside. She’d just barely buttoned up the shirt when Fili had come in and attacked her. She wasn’t complaining, though, far from it. She was encouraging it, letting Fili boss her around and drag his teeth along the edge of her jaw. She shivered, her hands coming up to wrap around his biceps.

Fili kissed her, pulling back enough to look at her in his shirt. She had on a tiny bikini, the wet of the bra top leaking through the soft blue of Fili’s shirt. Fili licked his lips, his hands sliding down to grip the bottom edges of the shirt and pulling, buttons going flying as he pulled the shirt off her roughly and tossed it over his shoulder. Kili gaped at him, feeling herself grow slick almost instantly. Fili ran a finger along the underside of one of her breasts, tugging at the tiny string holding the strips of cloth over her. He reached around her, pulling the two bows loose and dropping her bikini top on the ground.

“You really need to stop wearing my clothes,” Fili said, reaching down to pop open her jeans and push them down over her hips. She kicked them off and smiled when he tugged at the bows on her hips. “You know how crazy it makes me.”

“Crazy enough to screw me silly against the door?” Kili asked hopefully, keeping her back against the glass sliding doors. She watched as Fili reached down and started to undo his belt and smiled. There was a reason, after all, that she kept stealing her brother’s clothes.


	7. Lygerastia (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> liekinloimu asked: Fili/Kili Lygerastia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was playing with the idea of dialogue only because lygerastia is wanting to make love in the dark. Or something like that. So I was playing with that. Anyway, this is book!verse, probably before Battle of the Five Armies.

“Let me just—”

“No!” 

“Dammit, Kili, I can’t see a thing.”

“That’s kind of the point, right? You can touch me and see that way.”

“Kili, this is ridiculous. Let me light a candle.”

“No! C’mon, please? Just, let’s stay in the dark, like this, together. I like this, it just being the two of us. It’s so much less complicated.”

“Kee…”

“Kiss me, Fili, kiss me like this is our last night alive and when the sun rises that everything will end.”

“Morbid much?”

“Romantic, I think.”

“I should kiss you just to shut you up.”

“All talk and no action? You’ve been—mphf!” 

There was no more talking for the rest of the night.


	8. Hair (Teen Wolf)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> snarkasaurus asked: Wanna see your stiles. You can throw in whoever else, but I wanna see your stiles.

“What is on your head?” Derek asked, arching an eyebrow as he saw Stiles for the first time all summer. They had run into each other at the supermarket, Derek needing more milk and Stiles apparently needing hair gel and a box of condoms.

“It’s hair,” Stiles said. “You know, the stuff you have on yours. Only mine looks better.”

“It looks like last night’s dinner,” Derek said, smiling enough to bare his teeth.

Stiles stared at him before ducking his head as his lisp twitched. “How was your summer so far?”

“Amazing quiet,” Derek said. “Silence is, after all, golden.”

“Silence is boring, admit it, you missed me,” Stiles said, looking up.

“Not at all. You, on the other hand, look like you missed me so much you’re trying to come up with ways for me to eat you later.”

Stiles smirked at Derek and wiggled the box of condoms in his hand. “I’d love for you to eat me. Often. In many different positions and locations.”

Derek narrowed his eyes at Stiles and shook his head before walking away. Some things just did not deserves answers.


	9. Hoodie (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ceealaina asked: Fili/Kili (short skirts) hoodie

Fili looked up at Kili came in the door from the gym and felt his mouth go dry. Kili was closing the door, tossing her keys on the table by the door and dropping her gym bag on the floor. She was wearing track shorts that were impossibly short and a sports bra…and one of his oversized hoodies that hung past her shorts with the sleeves all bunched up and pushed up to her elbows. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail that was sticking to her sweaty face and neck.

“Hey sexy,” Kili said, smiling when she saw him watching.

“Those shorts are indecent,” Fili said, getting up from the couch and coming over to pull her into his arms.

“That’s why I’m wearing the hoodie,” Kili said, letting him tug her close and run his hands over her bared thighs. She smiled as she leaned in and kissed him. “It’s so very obviously my boyfriend’s sweatshirt. I never get bothered when I’m leaving.”

“You couldn’t wear more?” Fili asked, one hand skimming up her thigh and over her polyester clad rear to trail up her sweaty back and snap the back of her sports bra. “It’s a co-ed gym after all.”

Kili kissed him, pressing close and smooshing her breasts against his chest. “You don’t like the idea of all the guys in the gym falling over themselves to help little old me?”

“I’d rather be the one helping you,” Fili said as he moved his hands, pushing the hoodie off Kili’s body and letting it fall to the floor.

“Oh, you can help me all right,” Kili said, biting her lip as she smiled. She reached down and grabbed Fili’s ass through his baggy jeans and pulled him closer against her. “You can help me right upstairs and out of these sweaty clothes.”

“Oh?” Fili asked, grinning as he reached back, twirling a strand of Kili’s hair around his finger.

“Mm, help me out of these clothes and give me another sort of work out,” Kili said as she squirmed out of his arms and started to walk towards the stairs. She dragged a thumb down her side, hooking it in the waistband of her shorts and tugging them down enough to show Fili that she wasn’t wearing any underwear. Fili licked his lips and followed as his sister led him upstairs.


	10. Brontophilia (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ceealaina asked: Anyone at all, brontophilia
> 
> Have some of the random AU boys…
> 
> Brontophilia is finding thunderstorms sexy. :D I love them. Except when I’m out in them and have places to be. Then I sulk.

Fili found Kili in the backyard. It wasn’t actually much of a backyard, just a slab of broken concrete with weeds and grass poking through with an ancient fence and overgrown shrubbery. The tree branches were hanging low and had lost a good bit of their first spring leaves in the downpour of rain but Kili had found the once part of the backyard where the trees didn’t hang. 

He was standing in the middle of the backyard, face upturned and eyes closed, hands down by his side, as he let the rain wash over him. His clothes were soaked, clinging to his body and showing off both perfection and imperfection. He was barefoot, standing on a crack where grass had tried to grow, and his hair was still pulled back into his messy ponytail.

Fili watched him, smiling, as lightning ripped through the sky and thunder boomed loudly. The lightning had lit Kili up, showing the pleased and content look on his face. Fili went down the rickety and rotting wooden stairs and stood behind Kili, wrapping his arms around him.

“You’re freezing,” Fili murmured, just tall enough to rest his head on Kili’s shoulder (even if it did put his neck at an angle he’d pay for later). “How long have you been out here?”

“About when it started,” Kili said, leaning back against Fili. “Got caught in the start on my way back from class.”

“Come inside, I’ll warm you up,” Fili said, kissing Kili’s cheek.

Kili turned in his arms and leaned down to kiss him properly as thunder rumbled and exploded around them. Kili’s lips were cold but his mouth was warm. Fili could taste the sharp spike of cinnamon from the gum Kili must have been chewing earlier as they kissed, heads tilting as their mouths and tongues settled into a slow, languid pace. The rain continued pelting them, the raindrops almost painful in their intensity, but it was a pleasant offset to their kissing.

“We should go inside,” Fili murmured as he broke the kiss.

“We could stay out here,” Kili said, his hands sliding up under Fili’s shirt to scratch at his back. “You know no one’s home.”

“That upstairs couple came home when I did,” Fili said.

Kili nuzzled his cheek, dropping little kisses along his face as he licked a raindrop off the tip of Fili’s nose. “I love thunderstorms,” he said. “I want you to screw me in one.”

Fili smiled and took a step back, grabbing Kili’s hands and bringing him with him. “One of these days I will. But not today.”

“Is that a promise?” Kili asked as lightning slashed through the sky once more with a loud crack. The thunder that followed was almost loud enough to rattle the windows.

Fili tugged Kili toward the steps. “Yes, that’s a promise. Now, c’mon. Inside. Shower. Clean, dry clothes. Homework.”

Kili laughed and followed, snagging his bag from the doorway where he’d stashed it as they went inside and closed the door.


	11. being discovered (hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whichever verse you want (that has Fili and Kili as brothers) where someone (maybe a relative) finds out about their relationship?  
> legolaslover1

Tauriel watched in stunned surprise as the blond dwarf hefted himself up on the table next to Kili only to brush gentle kisses over his eyes, his cheeks, his nose, and finally his lips. She had thought, only Kili had said before, that they were brothers. And by what he had said only a short while ago…

"Are they…?" she asked the one in the funny hat.

"Oh, aye," he said, beaming at her. "They’re our princes. They are One, share the same soul. Pretty special thing they got."

Tauriel nodded slowly, one hand settling on her belt as she watched the two brothers.


	12. Jealousy (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonded verse, someone gets too friendly with consort!Kili and Kili gets to feel the full force of Fili's jealousy and possessiveness over the bond  
> phoebe-artemis

"You are very pretty," one of the dwarfs from the Grey Mountains said, reaching up and brushing a hand against Kili’s jewel encrusted hair. "Worth your weight and more in mithril."

Kili opened his mouth to reply, to beg his departure, when he felt like he’d been punched in the gut. There was fire and a dark, black feeling licking along in his veins as he flushed with heat and shivered from chill. It wasn’t him, he realized, turning the slightest to see where Fili was standing much too far away with several other dignitaries. His brother, though, was not far away from Kili that he could not see that pinched look around his eyes and the thinness of his lips.

"Do you really want to stay here, in a kingdom that cannot properly appreciate you?" the dwarf continued. The blackness spiked again when the dwarf reached down, clasping Kili’s hand in his and kissing his fingers. "I would be honored if you would come back with me."

Kili tried not to laugh, his mouth barely wobbled as he pulled his hand free, and sketched a quick bow, as he made his apologies and escaped. He made his way through the throng surrounding Fili and smiled, his hand going to his brother’s, as he stood next to him.

"Who was that?" Fili asked darkly.

Kili tried not to laugh and leaned into Fili. “No one,” he said, nosing one of Fili’s braids. “No one at all.”


	13. Realization (Harry Potter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marauders verse, the moment when they realized James was actually serious about Lily  
> phoebe-artemis

"They’re necking," Sirius hissed, leaning into Remus during breakfast. Remus calmly pushed Sirius away with a firm heel of his hand to Sirius’s forehead. Sirius let himself lean back and give Remus the illusion of settling the conversation until a later point before leaning back in and draping himself along Remus’s side. "They’re necking in front of the entire school."

"That’s what happens when one dates," Remus said calmly.

"Yes, but she’s never been serious—"

"No, you are serious," Remus sighed. If Sirius was going to continue to bother him this early then Remus would not hold himself accountable for any ill-mannered jokes made at his friend’s expense.

"Ha-fucking-ha, Moony," Sirius grumbled. The other boy huffed, his warm breath blowing into Remus’s ear and making the other shudder uncomfortably. "No, look at them! She’s acting like she’s gonna shag him right there!"

Remus straightened his back, his shoulders squaring as he took his freshly buttered and jammed toast and shoved it in Sirius’s face. “Yes, Sirius, that is rather what happens when one dates.” He ignored his friend’s shout and flail and pushed him off the bench before standing up. He calmly walked over to James and Lily and pushed them apart by force. “It is breakfast. The entire school is in danger of dying of shock. Many of our school mates want to know if you have somehow managed to drug Lily, James. I just want to know why the two of you had to decide on breakfast.”

James cleared his throat and straightened his glasses. “Well. You see. Uh…”

"Yes?" Remus asked, crossing his arms.

Lily smiled at him, “Remus, would you like some tea?”

"Tea! Yes, Remus is very fond of his tea," James said.

"Remus is very fond of quiet mornings with his tea," Remus said testily.

"Well, it gets it out there, right?" James said. "This. Us. Early in the morning and all."

"The better time would have been dinner," Remus said, crossing his arms. "So none of us had to be bothered to deal with the inevitable childish antics of our schoolmates for the rest of the day."

"So you wouldn’t have to put up with Sirius whining?" James guessed.

Remus sucked on his teeth for a moment before turning and leaving. Bloody Evans. She had to go and give into James now. He had money waiting on them getting together tomorrow, dammit.


	14. Pizza Burn (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glass Arrows! Maybe Fili gets a burn and Kili takes care of him? Or maybe he gets a phone call at work about it and extreme worry ensues? I'd be content with either!  
> Anonymous

"Really?" Kili asked as he held Fili’s arm under the faucet in the kitchen. The blond kept trying to pull away, wincing, as Kili held him fast. "How many years have you been around open flame and you go and get yourself burned."

"Fuck off," Fili grumbled.

Kili smiled a little as he turned off the water and snagged a towel, gently patting the area dry. “Keep your arm out, okay? I need to put gauze on it. It looks like a second degree, nothing too major.”

"Yeah, nothing major, no problem, just a second degree burn," Fili muttered.

"I’m sorry, I’m not the one who burned a ridiculous amount of skin on their forearm pulling pizza out of the oven!" Kili said, flicking the towel to snap against Fili’s ass as he went into the bathroom. "Honestly."

"You distracted me," Fili protested.

"Fuck no I didn’t," Kili said cheerfully, leaning in and kissing Fili before setting the nonstick gauze pad on the burn and carefully taping it down. "You distracted yourself with me, there’s a difference."

"Wanna order out? Not much in the mood for pizza anymore," Fili said.

"You adorable idiot," Kili said, smiling at Fili’s disgruntled expression. "Yeah, what’d’you wanna get?"

"Greek?" Fili asked.

Kili nodded, pulling his phone out of his pocket and flicking through Foodler. “There’s one that does frozen yogurt too.”

"Why would I want froyo?" Fili asked, frowning.

"Something cold for your pride?" Kili asked, smiling down at his phone. He laughed when Fili threw an empty beer bottle at him.


	15. Wounded (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uhm, can I ask for some mer!verse with maybe some angst? or hurt comfort? I will be pleased with anything because I love that verse O.O  
> Anonymous

Kili cooed at Fili softly, stroking his mate’s knife and bullet wounds. They had been stitched and packed but Kili was still unnerved by the reminder of mortality. Fili, for his part, was drunk and on his way to being even more drunk with the rum that had been supplied from the ship they had tangled with earlier.

"Shhh," Fili slurred, waving his hand around until he found Kili’s colder flesh and then patted him rather firmly. "I’m alive. We’re good."

Kili made soft sounds at him, the clicks and whirs of his language washing over Fili. It was nice, listening to Kili, even better having the mer with him. There was a tail to deal with but it was still nice. The other was still talking in his own language, though Fili could feel fingers—slightly webbed and sticky— running over his forehead and his hair.

"If I wake," Fili said, clearing his throat and turning to throw his leg over Kili’s tail and tugging him closer, "and you’ve got starfish or clams in my hair, we’re gonna have words."

Kili laughed softly. “No fish. Shells. Tiny ones. Click clack. Look good.”

"No shells," Fili said as he slid into sleep.

"Shh," Kili shushed, starting to sing softly deep in his throat. It was beautiful, but Fili slept before he could hear more of it. Maybe next time…


	16. Kittens (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fíli raised a brow as he watched his brother walk through the door to their apartment with his arms full of a squirming black kitten.  
> katchan00

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a meme to finish the store in 5 sentences from whatever first sentence someone provided

Fíli raised a brow as he watched his brother walk through the door to their apartment with his arms full of a squirming black kitten.

"Kili."

Kili turned, looking guilty. “I couldn’t just leave him, Fi, not while it was raining, and all the rest of the kittens were dead and everyone was just walking by the box!”

Fili sighed and opened the linen closet, pulling out a couple of towels. He handed one to Kili and went to toss the rest in the dryer on low. “Well, c’mon, then. Let’s warm him up and wait for mom. You’re going to explain this to her.”


	17. Brontophobia (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili/Kili - Brontophobia  
> nekomancy

There was a loud crash of thunder, growling and rolling through the sky, louder than a thousand dwarves mining all at once. Kili yelped and tried to hide under his pillow, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from making any more noise. Rain was pelting against the window, lightning splitting the sky with light and explosions, but it was the thunder with its loud angry growl that left Kili quaking.

He whimpered pitifully as it boomed again and tried not to scream when he felt a cold hand curl around his wrist.

"C’mon," Fili said. He tugged Kili a little firmer, dragging them both under the bed. Fili snagged Kili’s quilt and pulled it off the bed and then around them both. Kili clung to Fili’s nightshirt, burying his head against his brother’s solid chest. "It’s just noise."

Kili shook his head, doing his level best to use Fili as a blanket, shield, and stuffed toy all at once. His brother growled, pushing at Kili and manhandling him until they were comfortably smooshed together. Fili kept a tight arm around him and hummed softly a song their mother sang while she worked at the forge. Even as the thunder crashed and boomed around them, Kili felt safe with his brother protecting him.


	18. Claustrophobia (Being Human/The Almighty Johnsons)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders/Mitchell ~ Claustrophobia  
> cloudstrife1723

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't actually write them...but apparently I did???? *blink*

Anders paced the small confines of the elevator, tugging his tie loose aggressively. His perfectly styled hair was a mess from the number of times he was running his hands through the blond strands and he had already discarded his suit jacket. Mitchell sat on the nicely tiled floor, watching him with a touch of disinterest.

Anders smashed the emergency button over and over again as if hitting it again and again would cause the authorities to get there faster. “It’s been—”

"Ten minutes," Mitchell said.

"How can you be so calm?" Anders demanded, whirling on him. "Do you know how many elevator deaths there are every year?"

"Nope," Mitchell said. "It’s probably not that high."

"They happen! That’s enough!"

Mitchell snorted, trying not to smile. “You think this is bad? Try being buried in a coffin and having to dig your way out.”

Anders stared at him and then turned, pounding on the door. “Get us out of here!!!”


	19. Arachnophobia (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fili/kili, arachnophobia?  
> Anonymous

Fili was near frantic as he attempted to free himself from the spider’s webs. Kili was waiting off to the side, watching and keeping the others away as Fili started stripping. Dwalin had come to check on them and tutted under his breath, scowling before walking away. Thorin had simply clapped a hand on Kili’s shoulder and helped keep the others calm.

"It’s gone, Fi," Kili said as his brother kept sweeping his hands over himself.

"I can still feel it," Fili said, his voice raised and nearly shrill. Kili set aside his and Fili’s weapons, coming over and tugging his own coat off. He draped it over Fili’s bare shoulders and kissed his cheek. Fili shuddered and leaned into him slightly. "Is it really gone?"

Kili smiled and nuzzled his hair. “It’s gone.”

Fili drew the leather closer around him. “Can you?”

Kili took a step back and pulled off his shirt, smiling and draping it over Fili’s head. “I’ll get your stuff clean. Go stand with uncle and let Dori fuss.”

"Dwalin…" Fili said softly. "Balin… This isn’t the way an heir of Durin should act."

Kili glanced at him as he started picking up Fili’s webbed clothing. “Threaten to dump them in a river,” Kili said. “We’ll see how dignified they are when they’re drowning.”

"Kili!" Fili hissed.

Kili stood, coming over and kissing Fili before nudging him toward the rest of the group. “Go, stupid brother. Let me get these clean.”


	20. Pegging (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short Skirts; Trick or Treat!  
> kilifilithorinandco

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the Halloween meme I did

Fili groaned as he clung to the headboard, feeling Kili thrusting against him. His sister knew what he liked and apparently really knew how to use that dildo. He couldn’t help but bite his lip to keep back the groans as he felt Kili’s tits squash against his back and her slender hand wrap around his cock. He really wouldn’t last too much longer, not the way Kili was fucking him. This had truly been an excellent idea.


	21. Publicity (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Masked Ball, trick or treat?  
> catlock-catwings

"This holiday is all about masks," Fili said, pulling Kili down on top of him in a corner of the ballroom. "Not even mother knows what we are."

Kili leaned down, letting the forehead of his mask touch Fili’s. “You want to do this here?”

"I want to do it without the masks," Fili said. "I want to sit on my throne and have you ride me."

Kili smiled and sat in Fili’s lap, grinding against him. “You want to fuck me in front of the whole of Erebor?”

"I want to show them what they can’t have," Fili said.

"I," Kili said, leaning in and running his hands over Fili’s chest, "just want to show them."

"We will," Fili said, hands on Kili’s hips as they ground together. "Some day we will."


	22. Child-free (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short Skirts, Trick or Treat!  
> daisykatherine

"But MOOOOOOOOOOOM," Fili whined with a grin.

"Die in a fire," Kili said, pointing at him.

"Mom, mom, mom, mom," Fili chanted with a laugh.

"Fucking, see, this is why I keep you away from the candy," Kili said. She shrieked as Fili grabbed her and swept her off her feet. "Oh my god, you freak! Let me down."

"Oh no," Fili said. "I’ve got you all to myself for the night. What do you say to a night of being completely childish?"

"Childish?"

"Let’s get drunk, high, and fuck like rabbits," Fili said, kissing her.

Kili shoved his face away with a laugh. “You grab the tequila, I’ll grab the hash.”


	23. Dress-up (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snipers, trick or treat!  
> phoebe-artemis

Dwalin tried not to smile. “I’m trying to think how good I’m going to have to be to get this again.”

"Very, very good," Kili said. He climbed into Dwalin’s lap, reaching up to adjust the tiara. He smiled as Dwalin ran his hands up Kili’s thighs. "Yes. There is a skirt. And stockings."

"And a plug," Dwalin said as his fingers find the slick base of the toy.

Kili licked his lips and leaned down to kiss Dwalin. “C’mon, make use of your present because it’s got an expiration date.”

"As you wish, princess," Dwalin chuckled, standing up and carrying Kili up to the bedroom.


	24. Pumpkins (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonded, trick or treat!  
> phoebe-artemis

"You have got to be joking," Kili said.

"Not…really?" Fili said.

"You. That. No."

"Yes."

"No, Fili, no. That is a—"

"Yep." Fili was smiling proudly.

"Fili. It’s a pumpkin. I’m allergic to pumpkins."

"Pumpkins are sexy."

"I will smash that pumpkin on your head," Kili said. "Gift or not, get that thing away from me or I’m running away with Bofur."

"And what would you do with Bofur?" Fili asked.

Kili leaned in and kissed Fili. “Have thousands of hairy miner babies. Now. Destroy that thing.”


	25. Boredom (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonded, bored at a council meeting  
> phoebe-artemis

Kili rolled his eyes and slumped in his seat. Honestly, how long could they possibly drag out a trading dispute? It annoyed him that they had already spent two days arguing over the same agreement when there were so many better things they could be discussing instead.

Fili glanced at him and smiled just the slightest. Kili could feel the little pulse of impatience and annoyance, but also acceptance, from him. It wasn’t much but It was enough. Kili shifted, trying to get more comfortable in all this formal wear, and sank into the bond a little. They both stank of boredom and impatience, the two of them sharing and expanding upon each other’s. Now the need to get out was even more intense than before.

"My lords, might we call for a break?" Fili asked. "Refreshments and the like would be very much appreciated at this point in time. And, I rather confess, we seem to be going around in circles."

"Perhaps," Kili jumped in, "we should have food and drink and then gather again once we’re fresh?"

There was a grumbling and then the older dwarves began to leave the council room. Kili stood up and plopped himself in Fili’s lap.

"How now, my king?" Kili asked with a smile.

Fili snorted and tweaked his circlet of state, smiling and tugging Kili close. “How now indeed.”


	26. Cosplay (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Any modern AU, terrifying (teenaged) trick-or-treaters  
> phoebe-artemis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not Ready Yet 'verse

"Are you out of your mind?" Fili asked, staring at Kili.

"It’s Halloween," Kili pointed out. He reached down and readjusted his fishnets, giving Fili a chance to take in the entirety of his costume. "We’re allowed to get dressed and have fun for Halloween."

"Yeah, that’s…not dressing up," Fili said.

Kili handed him a bag. “Maybe not up as in more clothes but.”

"Please tell me you want him to be matching," Dawn said from her desk. She was doing a very good job at not looking when she was looking.

Kili smirked, hands on his hips, and waited as Fili looked into the bag and threw it at Kili’s head. “No fucking way!” he said.

"But what’s Frank N Furter without his Rocky?" Kili asked, catching the bag and pouting dramatically.

"You’re a horrible boyfriend, Anders," Dawn said, getting up from her desk and filing something. "You should do as your girlfriend says."

Kili glanced over his shoulder while Fili tried to decide to be outraged on Kili’s behalf or pissed off at being ordered to do something by his PA. Dawn was smiling just a little and Kili couldn’t help the little meow-hiss he muttered under his breath.

"C’mon, it’ll be fun," Kili said. He draped himself along Fili side, the platform heels he was wearing making him even taller than his brother. "We get to be total dorks and terrifying people and shock them into silence."

Fili cursed under his breath. “And if—”

Kili leaned in close and nipped Fili’s lobe. “If you want sex anytime for the rest of this year you’re going to go along with this.”

Fili growled under his breath.

"It’s gonna be fun," Kili said, wrapping Fili’s tie around his hand. "We’ll fit right in."

"And where exactly are we going to fit in?" Fili asked.

Dawn coughed slightly. “I hear one of the old art house theatres are doing a Rocky Horror Show viewing later.”

Kili grinned.

"I am not throwing rice," Fili said. "Nor toast."

Kili laughed and pulled Fili in for a kiss. “You’re perfect.”

Fili rolled his eyes and pointed at Dawn as he wore Kili. “No pictures.”

"Of course there will be pictures," Dawn said. "I just won’t share them with anyone who might use them against you."

"Which is the world—"

"So I’ll just let Ty decide."

"Oh shut up," Fili sighed as Kili laughed.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glass Arrows, Kili gets roped into helping with the school's haunted house/Halloween dance/what-have-you  
> phoebe-artemis

"I thought this was supposed to be a costume party," Fili said, nudging Kili with his hip.

"Don’t see you all dressed up now do I?" Kili asked, arms crossed. Fili bared his teeth. "Oh my, did you really. I. I’m ashamed to know you. Did you, I don’t—did you go into Hot Topic?" Fili leaned in an dragged the fake fangs over Kili’s neck. "Oh for—you totally did. You went to Hot Topic and got those melt in a pot fangs so they don’t move. I am ashamed of you. How could you?"

"What, you don’t think vampires are sexy?" Fili asked. He wrapped an arm around Kili’s waist and kept him close with pure strength. "I vant to suck your—"

"We need to keep it PG, boys," Thorin said from behind them. Kili jumped with a tiny squeak and Fili just glanced at Thorin in annoyance. "We need to keep an eye on the children."

"Or, you know, we could let the teenagers just tape their hot teacher and his boyfriend making out," Bard said. "They’re already doing it."

Fili shrugged and tugged Kili closer. “You wanted us to chaperon this dance. You get what you pay for.”

"I’m not paying for any of this," Thorin said. "Neither are they. So. Keep it PG."

Kili wrinkled his nose and leaned into Fili. “We’re not helping with clean up.”

"You will do—"

"You know," Kili said. "That stage looks like a LOT of fun to—"

"FINE!" Thorin said, coughing uncomfortably. "No clean up."

Fili smiled and kissed Kili’s check.


	28. Sounding (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> phoebe-artemis replied to your post “Glass Arrows Prompts”  
> Dunno how porny you want to get, but sounding?

"Yeah?" Kili asked, stroking Fili’s hip with the cool tip of the metal rod. "You good?"

Fili nodded and licked his lips, watching as Kili slowly slid the lube-slicked metal rod inside his cock. He hissed softly, trying hard not to squirm from the strangeness.

"Still good?" Kili asked, just barely holding the sound as it rested inside Fili.

"Y-yeah," Fili said, reaching out and grabbing Kili’s free hand. "S’g-good."

Kili kissed the inside of his hip and gently eased the sound out of Fili’s cock. He pulled his hand away to add more lube and gently let the sound slide inside Fili again. Fili groaned, biting his lip, and grabbing at Kili’s hand again. Kili watched, very gently moving the thin metal rod around, not doing more than that. Fili didn’t think he could handle what Kili could with them, but this…this. This was. Fili could get why Kili liked this as he let his brother pull the rod out and select a smaller sound. There was more lube and Fili groaned, squeezing his eyes tight and giving himself over to the feel of the metal inside him.

He could come to enjoy letting Kili take control, if it came with experiences like this.


	29. Coaching (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thornyhedge replied to your post “Glass Arrows Prompts”  
> I still want the Thranduil/Kili sex scene.

Kili waited on Thranduil’s desk, waiting patiently. The older man walked around his office, filing paper and cleaning up equipment that was strewn about. Thranduil was ignoring him, braiding his hair absently, working around Kili’s position on his desk.

Kili arched his back and peeled off his shirt, throwing it at Thranduil. The older man arched a brow and let the shirt fall to the floor. Kili smiled and laughed as Thranduil rolled his eyes. When Thranduil sat in his desk chair and turned to the computer Kili took the opportunity to climb into his lap.

"There are two things I want," Kili said, breaking the silence. "I want you to fuck me on your desk, for starters."

"That will not be happening."

"And I want to make a sex tape," Kili said.

Thranduil stared at him. “Excuse you?”

Kili leaned in and kissed him, “I wanna make a sex tape. What’s wrong with that?” He grinned against Thranduil’s lips and shifted in the older man’s lap. “You seem to like the idea.”

Thranduil cleared his throat, hands on Kili’s hips. “My penis does not think for me.”

Kili rocked his hips. “How about the desk thing? Wouldn’t that be nice? Just imagine,” he said, going up on his knees and pressing against his coach and burying his hands in Thranduil’s blond hair. A warm hand ran up along his back, keeping him close. “You’re always in here—doing work, talking to parents, yelling at people—and instead of being all grumpy and annoyed about everything you’d have something good to think about. Me. Naked. Bent over your desk.”

"Kili…" Thranduil sighed.

"That’s not a no," Kili said. He curled around him, licking along the shell of Thranduil’s pale ear.

Kili yelped, clutching at his coach, legs wrapped around his waist, as Thranduil surged forward and pinned Kili against the desk. Kili looked up at him and grinned, letting Thranduil manhandle him. They kissed, Thranduil letting Kili set the pace, something that still sent Kili for a loop, and touched and stripped. Thranduil broke the kiss to turn Kili over, bending and flattening him against the desk.

"You want me to fuck you?" Thranduil asked. He dragged his teeth over the edge of Kili’s jaw. "Is that what you want?"

Kili laughed and shivered, feeling Thranduil’s slick fingers against his ass. “Yeah, fuck me here and then take me back to yours. Tape us. I wanna watch how you fuck me.”

Thranduil laughed softly, deep in his throat, sending shivers down Kili’s spine. He reached back and grabbed at Thranduil’s neck and his hair, clinging to him and the edge of the desk as Thranduil pushed inside of him. Kili groaned, low and long, as they fucked. Thranduil was bigger than him, had more power and muscle and mass, and fucked him as he wanted and Kili, well. Kili didn’t have to worry about doing anything more than vocally encouraging him and hold on for the ride.


	30. Brothers (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glass Arrows prompt:  
> Dealing with Kili's brother? Or maybe Fili dealing with Kili after he's had to interact with him  
> phoebe-artemis

Kili sank down in his seat, hand over his face as Rivet shot off his mouth to the press. Fili was sitting next to him, his jaw open with a horrified look in his face and his back straight.

"That’s right!" Rivet said, gesturing to Kili and Fili. "My adorable baby brother is getting married! He’ll make such a blushing bride, don’t you agree?"

"I’m going to kill him," Kili growled.

"He does know you said no, right?" Fili asked.

"You think he cares?" Kili said, getting up and tugging Fili with him. Rivet said something and Kili flipped him off as he continued to drag Fili out of the dining hall and into the nearby bathroom. And then he locked the door. "Remind me why I can’t kill him?" Kili leaned against the door and scrubbed his face with his hands.

Fili watched him, smiling slightly. “Well, he’s your brother.”

"Yeah, not a good enough reason."

Fili stepped in close and tugged Kili in for a kiss. “He’s making you say yes to me. I kind of like him right now.” Kili growled into the kiss. Fili pulled back and tapped Kili’s nose. “I love you. Marry me like we should have been married before.”

"You know how I drag you to these things? And how they’re becoming more and more frequent?" Fili nodded. "Now imagine we’re the entertainment. Leverage. Another pawn on the chessboard, whatever you want to say. We do this and my brother is going to make it a point to bring us up in every way he can. River is a jackass. He will make sure we have no peace. I’d have to stop teaching, you’d have to find another forge that isn’t quite as public. Even with Dwalin that’s not going to chase off that many people."

"You think it would be that bad?" Fili asked.

Kili leaned into him. “So much worse. That’s mild compared to what it could be.”

"How about we do it—"

"In secret?" Kili asked. "And when someone finds out? You gonna deal with that shitstorm?"

"You going to let someone dictate your life?"

"Nope," Kili said. "Cuz I got you. I don’t need a ring or a piece of paper to tell me that I’m yours and you’re mine. Weddings and marriage are for the insecure."

Fili laughed and kissed him again. “You are so weird.”


	31. Plugged (Hobbits)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ceealaina replied to your post: Hit Me Baby One More Time  
> Masked ball porn: fili plugging Kili for the day (payback for something maybe?)

Kili moaned into the pillow as Fili slid the plug inside him. “Fili,” he whined.

"This is your fault," Fili laughed. "You didn’t have to do that eye thing during a council meeting. I mean, fuck, Ki. I almost lost it in front of Balin."

Kili breathed, letting Fili manhandle him to his feet and back into his clothes. The plug was just wide enough and long enough that it was going to be horribly distracting.

Fili chuckled and kissed Kili, cupping his face and nuzzling gently at his short beard. “I love you,” he said. He reached around and gave Kili’s ass a sharp smack—which left Kili weak-kneed and gasping—before leaving the bedroom.

Kili glared at the door before trying to make his way out of the bedroom and failing miserably. He leaned against the door, trying to adjust to the plug, but couldn’t stop the way he clenched around it, wanting more and needing more. By the time he made it back down to the barracks to train with the new archers he had managed to almost forget…until he remembered that today they were training on ponies and how to shoot while riding.

He stared at his pony with a sinking feeling in his stomach. Fili owed him so fucking much.


	32. Porch Swing (Hobbits)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ceealaina replied to your post: PROMPT. THE. JYNX.  
> you should write ace!kili sleeping with fill waking him up with snuggles and kisses. sleeping on the porch swing

Fili twitched awake to the feel of dry lips on his forehead, the tip of his nose, his cheek, his mouth, and his eyes. He smiled and stretched, missing the feel of lips against his skin, but when he opened his eyes he saw Kili smiling down at him. His brother needed a shave and his hair was a rat’s nest. Fili reached up and brushed some hair out of his eyes.

"Morning," Kili said. His voice was rough from sleep, low, and sent a tiny sizzle up Fili’s spine.

"Morning," Fili echoed. He reached out, wrapping a hand around Kili’s waist and pulling him in close. He smiled as Kili let him rearrange them so Kili was sprawled on top of him, the two of them trading lazy kisses back and forth. Fili tried not to focus on the heat from Kili’s body or the solid feel of him. 

Kili, though, kissed Fili’s forehead. “Need a minute?” he asked softly.

Fili laughed and slid out of bed. “Yeah, gimme a sec.”

Kili stretched out and Fili couldn’t help but watch his brother’s skin tighten over his stomach, the way the muscles stood out in sharp relief. Fili escaped to the bathroom as Kili laughed. Fili left the door cracked as he leaned against the wall, shoving his boxers down as he started jacking off. It didn’t take long before he was coming, his fist covered with spunk as he breathed through the pleasure.

"You looked gorgeous when you’re wrecked," Kili said as he kissed his cheek. Fili watched him as Kili took his hand and licked him clean. Fili made a tiny noise in the back of his throat and watched. Kili knelt down and pulled Fili’s boxers up. "C’mon, back to bed, Fi."


	33. Paying Respect (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> phoebe-artemis replied to your post: PROMPT. THE. JYNX.  
> Bonded verse, anniversary of Thorin’s death?

Kili knelt at the base of Thorin’s tomb, a tiny chisel and hammer in his hands as he finished the inscription he was adding. Fili sat against the long edge of tomb, humming lullabies Thorin used to sing to them. Kili set the chisel down and brushed the stone dust away.

"Do you want to see?" Kili asked.

Fili smiled at him. “I don’t need to.”

"Bofur said Bilbo would be coming back," Kili said. "So he can give his regards."

Fili nodded. “Thranduil as well will be coming, and Bard and the Master… Everyone is coming to pay their respects.”

Kili bit his lip and nodded. “I’ll be fine.”

"Are you sure?" Fili asked, reaching out and taking Kili’s hand.

Kili nodded and scooted over so he could kiss him. “I’ll be fine,” he said again. “For him, for you. I’ll be fine.”

"I’ll be here for you, Ki," Fili said, tugging him close as they rested back against the cool, thick stone that housed their uncle’s remains. The stone would keep them, the stone would protect them, the stone is what would always be there for them. Just like they would always be there for each other.


	34. Anatomy (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> paradox, kili painting on fili (either out of boredom or to study for anatomy class maybe?)  
> misskatieleigh

"Explain this to me again?" Fili asked as he watched Kili use the chocolate body paint to outline things Fili couldn’t see.

"Class thing," Kili said, smiling. "Finals. I’m horrible when it comes to the nervous system."

"So where does the chocolate come into play?" Fili asked, grinning as Kili kept drawing and moving down lower on Fili’s body.

"Would you rather me do this with Sharpie?" Kili asked as he looked up at Fili, a smile twitching at his lips. "Because I could."

Fili grinned. “Nah, chocolate’s good.” Kili leaned down and licked at the cluster of chocolate lines painted on Fili’s pectorals. “Yeah, okay, yeah, chocolate is really good. You gonna clean up all the mess you’re making of me?”

"That was the plan," Kili said with a big smile.

"I thoroughly approve of this plan," Fili said, leaning back against the pillows and letting Kili do as he wished.


	35. Epiphany

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Masked ball: Fili figuring out it was Kili under the mask  
> eriss113

Fili watched the dwarf as he danced with him. There was something almost painfully familiar about him that he just couldn’t place. It took him the next dance to realize that it was because the other dwarf moved with him, almost as if he knew where Fili was going to go.

Fili was curious and tugged the dwarf with him, only realizing as he got the other alone that he knew the clothes the other was wearing. Kili. His Kili was attempting subterfuge and…well. The game was afoot. He had an idea why, after all, but he wasn’t sure. He wanted to be sure. He needed to be sure.


	36. Making Up (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snipers, Dwalin & Kili making up after a fight  
> phoebe-artemis

"You pull that again and I am going to make your life a living hell," Kili said as he stretched out on top of Dwalin.

"Princess, when don’t you make my life a living hell?" Dwalin asked tiredly but with a smile. He ran a hand down Kili’s sweaty back to rest on the curve of his ass

"I could make it worse," Kili huffed. "I could make it so much worse."

"Oh I don’t doubt it," Dwalin laughed. Kili hummed softly as he was moved before tucking his head under Dwalin’s chin. "You are a force to be reckoned with."

"You love it," Kili said. He closed his eyes and felt himself relax muscle by muscle.

Dwalin kissed his forehead and gave the ass under his hands a quick squeeze. “Love you.”

Kili smiled and let himself fall asleep.


	37. Last Will & Testement (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zombie verse - what happened to Thorin?  
> phoebe-artemis

The family holding was a ranch in Nevada, the whole Durin clan with its expansive extended relations living there and working the land and animals. When the plague came it took them by surprise. It started with the water, a bird trapped by rocks in the water that had turned the virus waterborne. It infected the animals first, them drinking straight out of the streams while the humans waited for the well water, and slowly infected them. Some died and stayed dead, others were infected.

The cows and horses were first and then the dogs. The ranch hands fell victim to the animals hunger and it spread. Soon almost all the animals and humans on the ranch had been infected. Thorin, the head of the Durin family, took his brother and sister into the cellar with a shot gun. There was only one way they were riding out the end of the world—together and on their terms.


	38. Talk Dirty to Me (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dothraki-shieldmaiden replied to your post “Prompt me”  
> Yesss…Masked Ball—I would really love to know what Fili was saying to Kili during their tryst. =D

Kili shuddered. “F-Fili.”

“That’s right,” Fili murmured against his lips. “Fili. And you are Bram, the raven. My raven.”

Kili moaned, head falling back as Fili pulled Kili in closer and wrapped his hand around both their cocks. Kili’s hands went to Fili’s shoulders, clinging to him tightly as Fili worked them both.

There was something so perfect, so right about having Kili in his hand, having Kili’s cock against his cock, listening as Kili made such fantastic sounds as Fili tasted his flesh. 

"Look at you," Fili murmured against Kili’s neck, scraping his teeth against the whiskered flesh. "Look at how easily you bend to me. Durin’s teeth, Ki, I want to lay you out on a bed of silk and fur and fuck you until you can’t take anymore. I can’t believe you did this, you thief, thinking to steal yourself the taste of me. Just wait, little brother, I’ll give you everything and more now that I know. Fuck, I’m going to enjoy taking you apart with hands and mouth and cock."

Fili moved them, pushing Kili down against the bench and kissing him desperately, hungrily, as they rutted against each other. Kili thrust a hand down, gripping them both tight, his fingers threading through with Fili’s, as they did their best to devour each other.

“Come for me,” Fili ordered, nipping Kili’s lip. “I want you to come for me, raven.” I want you to come, he thought, watching his little brother, so that I know how to take you apart later.


	39. The Future (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> phoebe-artemis replied to your post “Prompt me”  
> Paradox: Fili finally has to take his place at EI/Kili helps him deal with the stress of the job and family. (Yes this is a transparent request to see them several years in the future and know every detail of their entire lives.)

"I quit," Fili said from his seat at the kitchen table. His head was on the smooth wood, arms stretched out in front of him. His shoulders and neck and back ached. It was tension and stress, he knew that, but knowing didn’t make it hurt any less.

"No you don’t," Kili said, nudging Fili’s arms aside and putting down a plate or a bowl or some sort of thing made from clay holding something that would contain nutrients. Fili’s brain was too busy leaking out his ears to be of any actual use.

"No, I really do," Fili said, letting Kili pull him up into a sitting position. Kili kissed his cheek and leaned against the back of the chair as he wrapped his arms around Fili’s chest. "All right, what am I eat?"

"That," Kili said, pointing, "is steak. And that over there is potatoes with rosemary. Oh, and I even made those ridiculous kale cup things you like."

"Kale?" Fili asked. "What’s that?"

"Shut up and eat," Kili said.

Fili sighed and snagged the plate closer as Kili pulled away, grabbing his own plate and sitting next to Fili. They two ate in almost silence as they leaned in towards each other. Once food had been consumed, Fili let himself slump to the side to lean on Kili.

"C’mon, living room," Kili said with a soft chuckle, pushing Fili upright as he got up and cleared the plates. He put them in the dishwasher and wandered around the kitchen idly until Fili got to his feet and flopped onto the ridiculously huge, plush couch Kili had demanded they get years ago. It had been one of the best investments ever because hardly a week went by when one of them hadn’t sacked out accidentally on the suede monstrosity. "You look pitiful," Kili laughed as he sat next to Fili.

"Let me quit," Fili whined.

Kili helped Fili out of his shirt and kissed the back of his neck. “Poor Fili,” he said softly, kissing the knob of his spine. Hands, warm and slick, ran over Fili’s back and kneaded the muscles there. Fili groaned and melted into the couch under Kili’s clever hands as they searched out the knots and tense muscles and eased them. His brother was the bestest ever.


	40. Fantasies (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> phoebe-artemis replied to your post “Prompt me”  
> Masked Ball: One of Kili’s fantasies *before* the ball? Or, conversely, Fili making Kili tell him about one of his fantasies and maaaaybe acting it out.

Kili stayed very still as Fili buckled the strip of leather around his neck. “Fi?” he asked warily.

"You said you wanted to feel owned," Fili said as he finished buckling the leather collar in place. He flicked the little metal tag with their runes and pushed Kili back so he flopped onto the bed, staring up at him. There was no mistaking the flush of Kili’s cheeks, the way his cock dribbled against his stomach, the way his eyes went almost glassy with lust.

"I—"

Fili pushed his way between Kili’s legs, kneeling there and keeping his brother spread open, and teasing stroked a hand down his chest and stomach. “I have a leash.” Kili shuddered and bit his lip, keeping quiet. Fili smirked and leaned down, licking Kili’s closed lips. “Be a good boy and obey your prince.”


	41. Naughty Naughty (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ceealaina replied to your post: ♪～(´ε｀) Porn Fairy Time …  
> Bag End Eats!!! Kili sucking off Fili beneath the counter while he’s tryinig to make drinks

The bar at The Dragon’s Den was curious, made of large and dark wood that was spacious and wrapped around so that it jutted out from the wall in a large L shape. Both brothers were working the bar that night as it as a Friday night and Fridays were always busy. It was now 10:30pm and the rush had died down for the moment. Kili was sitting under a hollow part of the bar, skinny and agile enough to fold himself comfortably there as he leisurely smoked an electronic cigarette.

Fili stood in front of Kili, most likely mixing a drink, when Kili got an idea in his head. He reached out, a hand on Fili’s leg in warning, as he reached up and started tugging on Fili’s zipper.

Fili kicked out slightly, trying to warn Kili away, but he was determined. He shifted so he was kneeling and got Fili’s fly open. He leaned in, nuzzling Fili through his briefs, mouthing along his rapidly filling penis. Someone fell and spilled above him and Kili could hear Fili stammer an apology. Kili smiled, reaching up and pulling Fili’s cock out of his underwear. He gave him a few strokes, hand firm around the shaft, as he played with his brother’s foreskin. He leaned in, sucking the head of Fili’s cock into his mouth. He licked along and under the foreskin, his hand stroking as he did so, using his tongue and knowledge of his brother to his benefit. 

Fili was trying so hard to keep it together that Kili almost felt bad. Almost. He loved tasting Fili, even now after they’d been running their asses ragged, and the weight of him in Kili’s mouth was divine. He swallowed more of Fili, one hand going back to gently squeeze and roll Fili’s balls.

Fili’s hips thrust forward as he bit out a “have a nice night!” at his customer, hand immediately going down and gripping Kili’s hair. Kili relaxed his jaw and let Fili fuck his mouth, relaxing his jaw and throat. Kili rolled Fili’s balls and reached back, getting a big handful of Fili’s ass and squeezing. Fili swore, gasping Kili’s name and letting go of his hair to grip the bar.

Kili let go of Fili to grip his hips, working his mouth up and down, tonguing the veins and the extra skin, working it as he moved back and forth, edging more and more of Fili into his mouth until his nose was pressed right into Fili’s pubes, gag reflex fluttering but then Kili loved this, loved the feel of Fili so deep inside him. Fili lasted barely a minute before he was coming down Kili’s throat, his knees trembling.

Kili waited, his hands gently rubbing circles into Fili’s hipbones, before slowly pulling off and licking his lips as he sat back.

"What the hell?" Fili asked, using the bar for support.

Kili smiled up at him and gently tucked him back into his jeans. “I hadn’t tasted you in almost six hours,” he explained. “You know how much I love your cock.”

Fili stared at him before reaching for a bottle of Jaeger and pouring them both shots. Kili got to his feet, hand sliding up the back of Fili’s shirt, toasting him before sipping the shot with a smile. Maybe, if they were very good, they could get Bifur to cover them so he could get Fili’s cock inside him in a couple of hours. Thank god for alleys.


	42. Body Shots (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> don't know what Bag End Eats is but my curiosity is peaked! So uh don't know exactly what to prompt with this verse so have at it?  
> Anonymous

After hours at The Dragon’s Den was never boring, especially when Fili and Kili were closing up the bar. On this particular night they were doing inventory at the bar but had finished up not too long ago.

"Are we honestly over two bottles of tequila?" Kili asked, jumping up to sit on the bar.

"Looks like it," Fili said, snagging the bottles. "Top shelf too."

"Weren’t we short two last month?"

"You know, I think we were," Fili said. "Bifur?"

"Bifur," Kili laughed. "I told you."

"We already took a hit on that," Fili said, "so we might as well enjoy it."

"Oh yeah?"

"I’m thinking body shots."

Kili looked at his brother, an eyebrow arched. “Body shots?”

Fili smiled widely and snagged a pitcher of water and threw it on Kili. Kili yelled, kicking out at his brother and peeling his wet white t-shirt off. He made to hop off the bar but Fili pushed him back onto it.

"No," Fili said. He was grinning. "Lay down."

"Fi?" Kili asked. He looked uncertain but laid back as Fili had told him.

Fili grabbed a round, thin plastic container and climb up onto the bar, kneeling over Kili and admiring the way the water clung to his chest hair and skin. He opened the container and shook out rimming salt onto his brother.

"Body shots," Fili said. He closed the container and set it off to the side. "We have tequila, salt, and now we need some lime."

Kili stared at him. “You’re going to?”

"I’m going to," Fili agreed.

"You going to share?" Kili asked as he wiggled on the bar, arching and stretching to make himself comfortable.

Fili hopped down, grabbing the tequila and knocking over a long tower of black glass shot glasses. They tumbled and rolled and ended up right side up on the rubber mat. He opened the tequila, stuck a pourer in it, and filled the glasses.

"If you think I’m helping you home after that many shots," Kili started, a clear warning in his voice.

"They’re not all for me," Fili said. "We can share." He arranged the glasses around Kili and grabbed the container of limes they had cut up earlier for service before peeling his shirt off and hopping up on the bar as well, straddling Kili’s legs. "Would you like the first shot, lover?"

Kili tipped his head back and opened his mouth. Fili chuckled and picked up the first shot, pouring it carefully into Kili’s mouth. He licked his thumb and stuck it in the salt before offering it to Kili.

"We’re going to have to throw that out now," Kili said once he’d licked and sucked the salt off Fili’s digit.

"Worth the price," Fili said. He reached over Kili, leaning close, and setting the empty shot upside down further down. "My turn," he said as he straightened.

Fili grabbed one of the glasses, licking the rim before tossing it back and leaning down to lick a line of salt off Kili’s torso, right between his pectorals. Kili reached out, snagging a lime and put it in his mouth, gripping the rind in his teeth. Fili leaned in, biting into the fruit and swallowing the tart juice. Kili turned his head and spat it out onto the floor.

"My turn?" Kili asked.

"No, not yet," Fili said.

He continued to work at the shots and the salt, licking as much of Kili’s skin as he could. Soon both were panting and squirming, their tight jeans showing just how hard they were. Every now and then he would give Kili a shot, sometimes pouring into his mouth, other times sharing it between kisses. By the time the last shot had been drunk—Fili had poured it over Kili’s stomach and licked and sucked it off his abs and out of his belly button—they had managed to lose their jeans and found a tube of aloe vera gel in case of burns. It didn’t take long for Fili to stretch Kili and slide into him and it did not take either long to climax, as aroused and desperate and drunk as they were. They lay there, on the bar, amongst spilled tequila, salt, limes, and spunk, twined together and trading lazy kisses.

"We forgot the security tape," Kili murmured sleepily when Fili moved away enough to pull out of him.  
Fili looked up at the ceiling and the blinking red light on the camera. “Think we can get a copy?”


	43. Denied (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> phoebe-artemis replied to your post: ♪～(´ε｀) Porn Fairy Time  
> Masked Ball, orgasm denial? Pretty please?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this got posted in the story itself but I'm too lazy to go check, so here. Have it here too cuz it was a prompt

Kili gasped as Fili grabbed him and dragged him into alcove. His back hit the stone but Fili’s mouth on his swallowed the noise Kili made. Fili kissed him as their hands peeled away each other’s clothes. They fumbled, Fili pressing Kili face first against the wall, hands at his hips as they joined. Fili kept a hand over Kili’s mouth as they rutted together, muting his brother’s eager sounds.

This was nothing more than a quick attempt to see each other before being pulled in opposite directions for their opposite lives. Fili nibbled on the side of Kili’s neck as they moved together, Fili reaching down and grabbing Kili’s hands and pinning them against the wall. Kili groaned, biting his lip to keep quiet, as Fili sucked and bit at the hinge of his jaw and he fucked him roughly.

"Fi," Kili panted. "S-so c—"

Fili reached down, gripping both of Kili’s narrower wrists in one of his, and clamped his hand tight around the base of Kili’s cock. Kili gasped, tugging against Fili’s hands and groaning as Fili thrust faster.

"Love you," Fili said, breathing heavily against Kili’s neck, watching how his brother’s long, wild hair was sticking to his neck.

"Let me come," Kili whined, trying to move away.

Fili kept him against the wall, Kili’s dick clenched tight in one hand, as he came. Kili got his hands free while Fili leaned against him and tried to pry Fili’s hand away from his cock. Fili chuckled, nuzzling Kili’s hair and… He smiled and used his teeth to tug the leather strip Kili used to hold his hair back while training the Guard free. He dropped it into one hand and reached down, tying it tight around Kili’s still hard cock.

"Fili, I swear to D—"

"I’m just keeping you ready for me later," Fili said. "You know when my meetings are over. I want you in our rooms, naked, with that still tied around your cock and I will take care of you properly."

"I’m going to kill you," Kili groaned.

Fili pulled away, savoring the way Kili had to bite his lip to keep from moaning. He helped Kili back into his pants and helped straighten him up before attending to himself.

"Dead," Kili growled.

Fili leaned in, kissing him, before shoving him out of the alcove and back into the hallway. “Kill me after,” he laughed.


	44. Spanking (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> phoebe-artemis replied to your post: ♪～(´ε｀) Porn Fairy Time  
> I can’t pick a verse for this, so: spanking, for whichever one you want to write?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snipers. ..........i think i also posted this in the story bit but. uh. whatever.

Dwalin bent Kili over the couch’s arm, pulling his pants down and leaving him in his washed out Batman t-shirt. One of his thighs was a mass of purple and black bruises and there were more bruises under Kili’s shirt.

"You promised," Dwalin said, nudging Kili’s legs further apart.

Kili sighed. “Yeah, I know.”

"What was the deal?"

"Run away from the bombs, not toward them," Kili said in a bored tone.

Dwalin snorted and spanked him, his hand heavy and powerful, making Kili’s hips jerk. “You think this is a joke, lieutenant?”

"Sir, no, sir," Kili said, a tiny yelp escaping as Dwalin landed another three whacks before gently stroking and rubbing the abused skin.

"You made a promise, lieutenant," Dwalin said. "Are you a liar?"

"Sir, no, sir," Kili said.

Dwalin continued to alternate spanks and strokes, moving around to that Kili never knew where the next slap was going to land. Dwalin watched as he tried to shift, his cock already curving in toward his stomach. Dwalin waited, tracing his fingers over the stark black ink of his serial number on Kili’s ass before giving him another round of spanks before stopping.

"Are you going to behave next time?" Dwalin asked.

Kili looked back over his shoulder as Dwalin ground against his ass. “I’ll try and make sure the news camera is pointed away from me when I get caught in a blast.”

"And cell phones," Dwalin said.

Kili groaned. “Thorin and Fili.”

"Already told them you’re fine," Dwalin said, pulling away enough to undo his belt and fly, pushing them down and kicking them free as he resumed his spot behind Kili. "Now I’m going to give you several reasons why living is in your best interest."

"Yeah?" Kili asked, his voice husky. "What’re you going to do with me, soldier?"

"Fuck you until you can’t move," Dwalin growled into Kili’s ear. "Then maybe chain you to the bed so you can’t go and do anything foolish."

Kili leaned back into Dwalin, reaching out and pulling Dwalin in for a kiss. There was a wince that made Dwalin want to spank his disobedient lover some more but figured the lad had had enough of that. He could, however, take him to the bedroom and pound his ass into the very soft and comfortable bed. And that was exactly what he was going to do.


	45. Waking Up (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> phoebe-artemis replied to your post: Hit Me Baby One More Time  
> Masked Ball, fluff (or porn, really, whatever you like), waking up?

Kili woke slowly, feeling first the warmth and softness of the blankets, the shifting of the sheets, the support of the pillow under his head. He felt the arm over his hip and smiled, opening his eyes slowly. Fili’s eyes were already open and he smiled, leaning in and touching foreheads. Kili closed his eyes, humming softly, and shifting closer to his brother. Their legs touched and Kili rolled a little closer as he ran his leg up along Fili’s, smiling at Fili’s soft laugh. He wiggled closer, fully pressed against Fili’s side, and nuzzled into his tangled hair, fingers sliding through his chest hair.

"Morning," Fili murmured, rough rough and low. Kili kissed Fili’s shoulder and left his mouth there. "Going back to sleep on me?"

Kili withdrew his mouth, nibbling along Fili’s shoulder and nuzzling against his neck. “Love you,” he mumbled.

"Love you too," Fili said, slipping his arms around Kili and pulling him closer and half on top of him. "Go back to sleep, love."

Kili closed his eyes and listened to Fili’s heart beat as his head rested on his brother’s chest.


	46. Cynophobia (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> //Short skirt! Fili comes home seeing Kili is on the couch with a black and white Husky and a blonde and white Husky. Maybe watching a sad movie? I don't know.  
> b-r-a-g-i

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tru fax - totally not a dog person. i'm cool and then i get utterly terrified and have been known to hide like a baby when they come into my store

"Why do you have dogs?" Fili asked as he came into the living room.

"I’m watching them for Caroline," Kili said. "She had to go out of town suddenly."

"You have dogs in our apartment," Fili said. "Large dogs. With teeth."

"Oh grow up," Kili said. "They’re cute!"

Fili shook his head, going up to the bedroom and grabbing some clothes. “See you when they’re gone!” he called as he left the house.

"BABY!" Kili shouted after him.


	47. Space (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> space babies  
> -katchan00

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....I think this is just snips, don't ask me for a full story

"You are ridiculous," Dwalin said from where he was leaning over the railing and looking down at the cargo bay. Frerin looked up at him, frowning in confusion. "You’re painting your ship with a couple of kids."

"We’re not kids," Kili said, not looking up from the big sun he was finger painting.

"We are adults," Fili chimed in from the naked lady he was painting on the side of the bay with a big and awkward brush.

"And we are not ridiculous," Frerin said. He threw the squishy ball of sponge full of paint at Dwalin, smirking when it hit the other man in the chest. "We are mature adults expressing our boredom through healthy means."

"Why don’t you just load the paints into guns?" Dwalin asked. "Much easier."

"That requires effort. Of which we don’t want to do," Frerin said.

Dwalin shook his head. The entire family was insane.


	48. Paintball Warfare (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> glass arrows, any pairing please!  
> Anonymous

"Suck. My. Balls," Dwalin ordered, the muzzle of his paintball gun pressed against the small of Thorin’s back.

"Rather impossible from this angle," Thorin said, glancing over his shoulder.

"Oh, but you can suck mine from here," Frerin said with a laugh. His paintball gun was propped up on his shoulder and he wore a shiteating grin. "On your knees, bro."

"Bite me," Thorin said.

"Only if you’re nice," Frerin said.

"Or if you can beat us," Dwalin said.

"The two of you are little shits," Thorin announced.


	49. Jaeger (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pacific Rim AU? Any pair. *make eyes*  
> feel-yfilifeels

Fili looked up at Dead to Rights as it was worked on by the techs, drinking lukewarm instant coffee. Kili had draped himself along Fili’s back and was dozing slightly against him. They’d just bagged their sixth kaiju and had managed to get back to the Shatterdome with almost no major damage and were on leave for the next three days while the techs updated Dead to Rights’s relays. The updates would make the jaeger faster and more efficient, more easy to interface with Fili and Kili.

"Bed?" Kili murmured sleepily.

"For sleep or sleep?” Fili asked, sipping his coffee and reaching back to scratch Kili’s scalp like his brother was an oversized cat.

Kili hummed happily, fitting himself along Fili’s back. “You telling me we’ve drifted together for almost two years and you don’t know the answer to that already?”

Fili finished his coffee and pushed Kili away as he walked off, knowing his brother would follow him like a puppy as they went back to their room and closed the door. When Fili held out his arms Kili was there to fill them as they fitted their bodies as close together as their minds had been only hours earlier.


	50. Cowboys (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili/Kili, cowboy/western au?  
> phoebe-artemis

"Did you really have to do that?"

"He challenged me!"

"So you proved what a hotshot you were by shooting his hat off. Yeah, brilliant job, bro."

"What? He was talking crap about us."

"About you."

"Okay, yeah, about me. You should be more sympathetic! He was slandering the family name."

"That’s uncle’s shtick, not mine."

"Fine, whatever, same thing."

A tomato came flying through the air and hit Kili in the face.

Fili rolled his eyes. “This is your fault. You had to piss off the sheriff. You had to get us locked in the fucking stocks!”

Kili shook his head, trying to get rid of the tomato guts clinging to his face. “Like you’ve never gotten us thrown in jail before.”

"Fuck off," Fili sighed.


	51. Techno-Virus (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Non-zombie post-apocalypse. Kili/Dwalin.  
> feel-yfilifeels

Kili groaned as Dwalin pushed him up against the wall, the older man kissing and sucking along his neck. Kili winced as the skin over his side stretched over the gears and wires keeping him in one piece. “St-stop,” he said, trying to push Dwalin away.

The older man stopped, kissing Kili quickly on the lips, and then falling to his knees to check his side. “Is it spreading?” he asked.

Kili pulled his shirt up as Dwalin inched his pants down. The gears and wires that made up the techno virus that Kili had caught were slowly replacing Kili’s organs and veins and muscles and nerves with gears and steam and neuro relays. Kili’s brother Fili had already been killed by the virus back in St Paul. It was only a matter of time before Kili went too but Dwalin didn’t want to waste the time they had left.

"I’m okay," Kili said, running a hand over Dwalin’s ruddy scalp. "Really."

"C’mon, let’s see if we can get a real room tonight, with a bed."

"A bed would be nice," Kili said as Dwalin got to his feet. He laughed as Dwalin slung the bag over his shoulder and then picked Kili up to carry him, bridal style. "You’re ridiculous!"  
Dwalin kissed his cheek and carried him out into the merciless sun.


	52. Suck (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pace babies. ANY SPACE BABIES PLS  
> feel-yfilifeels

Kili slid into Fili’s arms, a small smile on his face echoed by Fili. His brother was so warm around him, the fire pulsing through his veins matched by the water through Kili’s, mixing together and steaming the room. Fili kissed him, hands in Kili’s long, loose hair, more steam billowing around them as Kili whined and pulled Fili’s shirt off.

"Really?" he asked, pulling Kili’s off as well. "You wanna do this here?"

"You’re the one who pounced me in the engine room," Kili said.

"We could go back to our room," Fili said. "Steam won’t matter there."

Kili reached down and grabbed Fili’s ass. “A little steam won’t hurt the engines. And the grates are actually really comfortable.”

"Yeah?" Fili asked with a grin.

"Yeah," Kili said. He reached up and put his hands on Fili’s shoulders and pushed him down to his knees. "Show me how much you want me, Fi. Suck."


	53. Boring (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skype prompt from ceealaina -> plugs

“Boring,” Dwalin said. “You’ll put me to sleep, kid.”

Kili grinned. “How about me doing that while you have a plug in you? Keep you tied up and writhing on that thing while I do whatever I want to you. Play with your balls, suck you off…hell, I’d even give you a lap dance.” Kili heard an aborted groan and smirked. “You’d like it, wouldn’t you? Me teasing you to the point of coming while you’d got a plug up you ass, pressing on all the good places when you move, when I make you move.”

“Thought you said you’d fuck me,” Dwalin said. There was that slightly broken edge to Dwalin’s voice that let Kili know exactly how much he was getting to him.


	54. Full Moon (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mer!Kili please? I really liked the idea that mer!kili is never seen on the full moon cause he might eat Fili so maybe Fili finally sees him on the full moon? And doesn't get eaten?  
> likeabeastinrepose

Fili was on deck, looking out at the stars and moon while some of the crew played cards behind him. He wanted it to be two weeks from now when he could see Kili again. He was so distracted he almost missed the bobbing creature in front of him in the water. He only noticed when Kili lobbed some seaweed at him unhappily.

Fili pulled it off his face and stared down at him. “Kili?”

"Feee," Kili said, sounding upset and drawing out his name.

"Whoa, lad," Dwalin said from behind Fili, taking his elbow and keeping him from diving into the water. "Don’t want you ending up eaten now."

Fili sighed and leaned over the rail, letting Dwalin keep a firm hold on him. Kili stayed where he was, not even throwing insults or talking in his own bizarre language. Fili could see him in the bright light of the moon and his heart twisted when he saw the miserable face on the mer.

"Kili, what’s wrong?" Fili asked.

Kili flicked his tail, twisting in the water, and laying on his back. Fili didn’t notice anything different immediately, but Dwalin had.

"How long?" Dwalin asked when Fili just looked at Kili questioningly. 

Kili stayed on his back, tail curling slightly and a hand going toward the top part of his tail. If Fili squinted he could just make out the slightest hint of a bulge.

"Two, three," Kili said, tail sinking back into the water until he was upright and bobbing again. "Leave now. Back after."

Dwalin nodded and turned to nudge Fili. “Say goodbye, Fili.”

"Goodbye?" Fili asked, turning and looking at Dwalin with a frown. "I don’t…?"

Dwalin looked down at Kili. “Have you eaten?”

"Slow," Kili said, clearly grumpy. "No good catch. Want seal."

Dwalin nodded and looked at Fili. “Go, get down there. I’ll explain once you come back up.”


	55. Naughty Nurse (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The camo pants! Fili was the thing I was so incoherently trying to think of. Or SWAT Fili. Or naughty nurse Kili. That whole thing.  
> ceealaina

"Fili, you little shit, what the hell are you doing in my emergency room?" Kili hissed as Fili pulled him into an unoccupied office.

"I can’t want to see my little brother?" Fili asked with a smile, locking the door and pulling Kili in by his hips.

Kili punched him in the shoulder. “No, especially not when your captain called me to warn me that you’d been hurt and you had been sent to the ER for stitches.”

"I was more hoping for some private nursing," Fili said, trying a handsome smile.

Kili rolled his eyes. “Yes, I can see you want some private nursing.”

"I’m all dressed up, just for you," Fili said.

Kili’s eyes flicked over Fili’s body, taking in the way Fili’s tight black long-sleeved shirt was pushed up to his elbows, baring his forearms, and his hands encased in the fingerless leather gloves he preferred. His SWAT vest was still strapped over his chest, thick with padding and metal plates and pockets, his pants still the typical black cargos that everyone in the line of duty preferred because of what they could shove in them.

Kili punched Fili in the shoulder again. “You got yourself hurt,” he snapped.

Fili smirked and started pulling off his vest, letting it drop to the floor with a thunk. Kili backed away a little as Fili then pulled off his shirt and let it drop so that all he was dressed in was his pants, his gloves, and the gun holster at his waist.

Kili frowned. “Not hurt.”

"Not hurt," Fili said with a wide smile.

Kili looked at him closely, spotting the lurking smirk, and punched Fili again. “You did not get yourself sent here for a goddamned booty call!”

Fili laughed and pushed away from the wall, grabbing Kili and pulling him into a hug, kissing and nibbling along his jaw. “It’s been a week,” he said. “I miss my naughty nurse.” He reached down and grabbed Kili’s ass and ground against him. 

"Your naughty nurse has work," Kili protested as Fili started pushing his pants down. "Fili, you can’t fuck me right now!"

"Oh, I’m not going to fuck you," Fili said as turned Kili around and bent him over the slightly cluttered desk in the office. He went to his knees behind Kili and nuzzled his ass. "I’m going to eat you out because I have literally not been thinking about anything else for the past two days."

Kili tried to bite back a whimper but Fili heard him and smiled, pulling Kili’s pants and underwear down before leaning forward and spreading his brother’s ass.


	56. Underwater (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh mer!kili giving fili an underwater blowjob?  
> Anonymous

Fili was standing in the water, keeping an eye for the return crew, when he felt something brush against his side. He looked down and smiled at Kili through the water. Kili grabbed his hand and tugged him a little deeper. Fili let him, the water going up to the middle of his chest. He could feel hands unlacing his pants and reaching in to pull his cock out. Fili shivered at the coolness of the water and reached down to grip Kili’s shoulder as the mer took his in his mouth. 

Kili was teasing, tongue flittering here and there, mouth moving along Fili’s shaft before swallowing him down. It felt weird, the water in Kili’s mouth along with his cock, the way the mer didn’t have to breathe like the rest of them. Fili moaned at the way Kili sucked at him, the way his throat constricted around him as Kili took him whole. There was no one who understood the way the sea creatures lived, or what they ate, but the way Kili could take his cock so easily, could work him in his throat so well, spoke volumes to Fili. It didn’t matter though, nothing did, really, except that it fellt so unbelievably good. Kili played with his balls, toying and tugging at them gently, cupping them close to Fili’s body.

"Kili," Fili moaned brokenly, his hips starting to move, forcing his cock in and out of Kili’s mouth. "Fuck, Kili."

Kili let his mouth hang open, his throat slack, so that Fili could keep thrusting. It didn’t take much longer before Fili was coming, raising a hand and biting down on his fingers to keep from shouting his completion. He stumbled slightly in the water, Kili surging up to tug him close. 

"Hello," Fili said as Kili lazily swam them back to the dinghy.

"Hello," Kili murmured, staying in place with tiny movements of his tail while Fili rested against his chest.

"Where have you been?" Fili asked.

Kili smiled and nosed at Fili’s ear, his teeth clamping down on one of Fili’s braids and tugging affectionately. “Back now.”

"Doesn’t answer the question," Fili said.

Kili made a soft noise, a hum and a click with a low whistle, and cuddled Fili. He refused to attempt human speech after that, only speaking in his odd language, and holding Fili close. So much for answers.


	57. Performance (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> paradox: fili goes to see kili's band perform (do they have gigs or just mess in someones garage/basement? idk) kili has groupies?  
> misskatieleigh

Fili had never been to one of Kili’s gigs before. Usually he was on duty during them, or they were just some open mic nights one of the others had signed them up for. This one was a legitimate gig, a kind of in between act for a cabaret show. Fili didn’t bother trying to grab a table as the place was packed. He edged his way over to the bar and grabbed a Sam Adams, watching Kili play.

His brother was in the front toward the right, his hair pulled back and worked with more of those weird things he’d occasionally put in his hair. Tonight’s were blue and black and looks like a few had been braided and teased. Fili couldn’t help the stab of irrational jealousy at the thought of someone else—and it could only have been another person—having their hands in his brother’s hair. He watched as Kili focused on his guitar, playing with a single-minded determination that Fili usually only saw when Kili was hellbent on driving him insane. His fingers were skilled, making beautiful music, while Fili drank his beer.

"He’s gorgeous," a girl to his left sighed.

"I would give my first born to lick his abs," another laughed. "He is beyond fine."

"You know, I think the drummer’s pretty cute too," the first girl said.

"Hell no," the second one said. "Kili all the way. You know he’s going to be a nurse, right?"

Fili shook his head and headed closer to the stage. Groupies. He’d have to tell Kili and laugh about it later. One song ended and another song started up. Fili arched an eyebrow as he watched Kili take the main mic, singing and playing the guitar. He could hear cheering and the claps from around the room—obviously there were a lot of people in the room who knew the band—as the song continued. Fili wasn’t familiar with the song but Kili sang beautifully. He continued to drink his beer and smiled as Kili saw him, a quick, wolfish grin stretching his face before he focused on the song.

Fili listened to the furious whispers around him and settled in to listen to his brother sing to a crowded room.


	58. Nightmares (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paradox!Kili waking Fili from a nightmare after they're together?  
> phoebe-artemis

Kili woke when he felt the arm smack into his side and the blankets get ripped away. He blinked into the darkness blearily, trying to figure out what was going on, when he heard the soft, distressed noise next to him. He rolled over and snuggled up against Fili, closing his eyes and slipping his hand into Fili’s. Sometimes that was enough to soothe the nightmares, sometimes Fili needed more.

Tonight, though, seemed to be a needed more night when Fili flailed even more. Kili sighed, sitting up and rubbing his tired eyes. He sighed and moved, straddling Fili’s waist and grabbing his hands. He set them on his hips and leaned down, kissing Fili and nibbling on his lip.

"Fili," Kili murmured against his mouth. "Wake up, Fili."

Fili continued to fight him, face screwed up in remembered horror. Kili continued to murmur against Fili’s mouth, kissing him sweetly. Still nothing. Kili regarded Fili sleepily, feeling the headache build behind one eye. If he left Fili to flail around inside his nightmares for much longer then Kili could kiss sleep goodbye for the rest of the night. That was not acceptable, especially not now with clinicals.

Kili rolled off Fili and found the bottle of lube that had ended up on the floor. He poured some onto his fingers and twisted so stretching himself would be quick and relatively painless. He bit his lip, trying to stay quiet, and pulled his fingers free before leaning over Fili and tugging his underwear down and off. He let it flutter to the floor and grabbed the lube again. He poured some on Fili’s cock and let the bottle drop, slicking his brother’s rapidly hardening cock and climbing on top of him.

Kili groaned as he sunk down on Fili’s length, loving the way the dolphin rubbed against his insides, and waited a moment before starting to move. Fili had stopped flailing and groaning, no longer looking like he was in pain, but he was still asleep. Kili laughed breathlessly, his hand wrapping around his own cock and stroking himself as he rode Fili.   
He could hear Fili slowly getting into it, his dreams obviously changing from horror to erotic, Fili starting to thrust and move with him the correct way. Kili whined softly, head tipping back as he moved faster. They’d only gone to bed three hours ago and he still had another round left in him. He moved faster and faster, gasping and not even bothering to be quiet, though he did nearly scream when he felt hands gripping his hips and pulling him down for a thorough grind.

"Fee," Kili panted, slumping forward a little and letting his forehead rest against Fili’s. "C’mon, gimme."

"You’re crazy," Fili groaned, holding Kili’s hips tight as he moved his legs, drawing them up so Kili could rest back against his knees and gave him the ability to thrust up with a lot more power. They started moving together, finding the perfect rhythm between the two of them. 

Kili grabbed his prick and started jacking himself off while Fili used his leverage and hold of Kili’s hips to pound into him. They were both coming after not that long, Kili shouting hoarsely, riding Fili dry. Fili dragged Kili close, kissing him sloppily as they separated reluctantly.

"What the hell was that about?" Fili asked, getting out of bed to grab a discarded towel to clean Kili with.

"Nightmare," Kili said, snagging Fili’s hand and pulling him back on the bed. He closed his eyes and nuzzled Fili’s neck. "Sleep now."

Fili chuckled after a moment and kissed Kili’s forehead. “I should have nightmares more often if you’re going to wake me up with sex.”

Kili opened one eye and pinched Fili’s side viciously before doing his best to go back to sleep.


	59. Possessive (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kili getting a bit jealous over someone else getting to touch fili? or maybe something dealing with fili's ptsd and kili taking care of him?  
> misskatieleigh

Oy," Kili said, hands on his hips. "Hands off."

The other nurse—young, pretty, tiny, and new—stared at Kili for a second. “What?”

Kili pointed at Fili. “He’s my brother. Hands off.”

"I was just—"

"You were just nothing," Kili said. "Room 16 in the blue hallway needs some blankets. I’ve got Fili."

The nurse looked at him stubbornly but Kili had seniority and was the darling of the administration and the doctors. No wet-behind-the-ears slut was taking caring of Fili, not while he still drew breath. The nurse huffed and stalked off to go do what Kili had told her to while Fili started laughing, and then promptly groaned.

"Oh, what the hell did you do to yourself this time?" Kili asked.

"Bullet proof vest," Fili said. "Stops the bullets, cracks your ribs."

Kili stared at him and then promptly punched him in the shoulder Fili wasn’t currently curling into. “You idiot!”

"Yeah, but I’m your idiot," Fili said with a pained grin. "One you just got completely jealous over."

"I’m not jealous," Kili said.

"So jealous," Fili teased.

"I should call Jerry over," Kili said, crossing his arms. "Have him take you down for a CT scan because clearly you’ve also injured your head, speaking such nonsense."

"Go for it," Fili said. "But only if we can have sex on my gurney afterwards."

"Why is it that you get horny in the hospital?" Kili demanded.

"Because it’s kinky, seeing you like this. I love it. Just want to fuck you stupid in those scrubs of yours," Fili said.

"Yeah, CT scan. You’re completely mental," Kili said. "Utterly mental."


	60. Man Overboard (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mer!Kili outsider POV, maybe like a new crewmember not aware of Kili sees him interacting with Fili for the first time?  
> phoebe-artemis

"Man overboard!" Faramir shouted, watching as the captain’s nephew dove off the bow of the ship. Granted, they were anchored so there was no chance of Fili drowning, but nor did someone just DIVE off the side of a ship!

"Who?" Dwalin asked, striding quickly over to him.

"Fili, sir," Faramir said, pointing.

Dwalin leaned over the edge and squinted in the sun before laughing. “All clear,” he shouted. “It’s just Kili.”

There was a chorus of laughs and good natured catcalls sounding from all corners of the ship. Faramir, in the meantime, just looked at Dwalin as the big man strode back to the wheel and the captain.

"Kili?" Faramir asked?

"A mer," Thorin said. "He’s rather attached to Fili."

"Rather attached?" Dwalin laughed. "That’s like saying the sun rises in the east. Kili has saved our hides a couple of times and led us to many a good haul, all because of Fili."  
Faramir watched Thorin and Dwalin argue for a moment before looking over the edge of the ship. Fili was pressed against the hull of the ship and was being kissed by another man with long brown hair that was tangled with seaweed. From where Faramir was he couldn’t see how this Kili was a mer. He looked just as normal as anyone else. Weren’t mers supposed to be odd looking, with scales everywhere and sharp, pointy teeth? They were natural maneaters, right?

Faramir continued to watch as the two kissed before the darkhaired creature moved away. He twisted and dived, tail flicking up and spraying water everywhere as he vanished into the sea. Fili was laughing and treading water in the shadow of the Erebor for a while before Kili came back up to the surface. He had lost the seaweed in his hair and was presenting Fili with a water logged bag.

"That would be an apology for being gone so long," Thorin said from next to Faramir. "Every now and then he vanished for a few months, either because he was hurt hunting or because one of the other mers needed his help, but he always comes back and he always brings some sort of treasure he’s found on the bottom of the ocean for Fili."

"I see," Faramir said. "This is normal?"

"Has been for the past four years," Thorin said. "You get used to it. Just wait until the new moon next week." He clapped Faramir on the shoulder and walked back to the wheel and Dwalin.

"The new moon?" Faramir asked softly as he watched Fili accept the gift. "What happens then?"


	61. Sloppy (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> paradox: sleepy, sloppy, still loose from the night before morning sex  
> Anonymous

Fili woke to the feeling of Kili’s body on top of his. He hummed softly and reached back, twining his fingers with Kili’s. His brother kissed and nibbled along the back of Fili’s neck as Kili nudged his legs apart and tugged Fili onto his knees. Fili glanced over his shoulder and snorted as Kili smiled at him and slowly pushed into him.

Fili groaned, turning his head into the pillow. Fuck but Kili’s cock felt good. He pushed back to meet Kili’s thrusts, feeling the way Kili slid into him easily. The night was full of sex, Kili having pounced Fili not too long after dinner and they’d spent the night alternatively sleeping and fucking. Fili was loose and slick from the last time, maybe three or four hours ago, and Kili was using it to his advantage. He was teasing Fili, grinding in deep before shallowly thrusting against him.

Fili mumbled and pushed back, sliding a hand between his body and the bed, wrapping his hand around his cock and stroking as Kili finally picked a lazy rhythm he liked. Kili murmured nonsense against Fili’s shoulder, kissing him and nuzzling as he thrust, pushing Fili closer to another orgasm. Fili would never have thought that a three day weekend would count as a vacation for Kili but it was apparently enough to convince his brother to slow down and enjoy the smaller things in life…and apparently Fili’s ass.  
Fili groaned as he moved his hand faster, playing with the piercing in his cock. “Fee,” he whispered. “Close.”

"Shh," Kili shushed. "Shh, come for me, Fee."

It didn’t take too much more to make Fili come, his hand and Kili’s cock more than enough to send him into a gasping, shuddering orgasm. Kili thrust into him a couple more times before he came, biting into Fili’s shoulder to muffle his moan.

Fili smiled into the pillow as Kili pulled out and flopped down next to him. “Good morning,” he murmured.

Kili chuckled. “Morning.”


	62. Babies (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MER!BABIES PLEASE... WITH EXTRA FLUFF AND A SIDE OF CUTE PARENTING. ANYTHING YOU WANT TO DO.  
> Anonymous

t was tricky, having their little family the way they did. Nera grew faster than a normal human child and was prone to climbing the sails and crouching in the crow’s nests. Fili was forever chasing after his daughter, but he enjoyed it. Thorin, especially, seemed to be fond of chasing after Nera and pampering her. He taught her how to steer, letting her at the wheel while he was behind her and letting her think she was controlling the ship.

The twins, though, were mer and had to stay in the water. Kili had kept to shallow water for the first year of their lives but was gradually teaching them to survive in deeper water. They had gotten to the point where they could easily follow the Erebor while Kili went hunting for them.

Nera couldn’t swim but she would cuddle with Kili and Fili on the new moons and would sing with her sibs when they started up a song in the middle of the night. The two boy mers were too young to shift tails to legs, so Fili would join them in the water. The boys were affectionate and would twined around Fili whenever they could, chittering softly. 

Kili would make noise, every so often, that maybe Fili should go back to Thorin’s big house on the ocean with Nera, that they could live there together, but Fili would refuse. He liked being on the Erebor too much, liked being a pirate. And it fit them, with their strange little family and the ship full of people who liked them.


	63. Sticky Sweet (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paradox prompt: a sweet moment between them?  
> juiceyortiz-archive

They laid on top of the picnic table in the backyard, looking up at the stars as Kili idly smoked. Fili liked the long line of warmth against his side and closed his eyes. He was content as they were, side-by-side, in quiet contemplation.

He should have known that Kili wouldn’t feel the same way.

Once his cigarette was gone, Kili moved, straddling Fili’s hips and smiling down at him. Fili eyed him, his hands still under his head as he watched his brother suspiciously.

"You’re gorgeous, you know that?" Kili said.

Fili frowned, “What brought this on?”

"Just saying," Kili said. "Kind of sudden realization."

"Does this sudden realization come with any benefit aside from you staring at me creepily?" Fili asked. Kili rolled his eyes and punched Fili in the shoulder. Fili groaned softly and smiled up at Kili as he was glared at. “You’re pretty good looking yourself.”

Kili leaned down, kissing Fili. “You’re horrible.”

"Does being horrible get me anything aside from kisses?" Fili asked.

"I might blow you later," Kili said. "But you’re comfy right now so kisses are all you get."

Fili freed a hand and tugged Kili’s hair out of it’s ponytail and started combing his fingers through the silky strands. “I can live with kisses. They’re from you, so that’s all I need.”

"You are such a dork," Kili said with a wide smile.


	64. The eVite (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ceealaina: OH GOD. I just got a mental image of Kili like, sending out evites. “Come watch me explore the world of anal insertion!” 
> 
> ( verse is Paradox )

Sitting back in his seat, Kili flicked through the evites website. He ignored the professor, slouching as he tapped out an invitation, sending it to Fili’s email. He debated adding a picture to the evite but figured that if anyone ever got their hands on his phone that naughty pictures would be among the first things handed over to the press. He checked the time and added a couple hours, enough time for Fili to get home without any issues, and hit send.

He smirked and set his phone on silent and put it on his desk, waiting with the barest amount of patience for a response. He didn’t have to wait too long before his screen flashed with a new message alert. He typed in his code and smirked at the text Fili had sent back.

\need me to pick you up?\

Kili looked up as the professor started talking more about cell structure and why this was important and rolled his eyes just the slightest bit. \where r u?\ he sent, wondering if he should have changed the time to something closer to now.

\home. job ended early\

Kili started packing up his bag and quietly slid out of his chair and made for the door as he tapped out a rapid response. \get ur ass to the campus. i wanna try out the backseat\


	65. Prank Call (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ceealaina replied to your post: Paradox Snippet Prompts  
> Fili (maybe a little drunk?) prank calling Kili’s radio show

“This is Jed General and you’re on the air,” Kili said as he tipped his chair back and twirled a pencil around and around his fingers. “What’s your name, caller?”

"Uh, yes, my name is Willie Stroker," the voice over the radio said. "I was wondering, since you are so open on your show, if you could tell us about your boyfriend."

Kili looked over at his station manager who was stifling giggles. “My boyfriend?” he asked, watching with narrowed eyes as Callie lost it and slumped over her des as she laughed behind the soundproof glass. “He’s a good guy, puts up with a lot of my crap, and doesn’t mind when I tell him to go away while I study.”

"Interesting," Willie said. "And do you play nurse with him?"

"Excuse me?" Kili asked, sitting up and dropping his pencil.

"You’ve said your studying to be a nurse. Do you play sexy nurse with your boyfriend?"

Kili logged into the call system and checked the phone number. He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, we play sexy nurse. And I can tell you right now, Mr Stroker, that if you wanna play nurse any time soon that you better hang up right now. Jerk.”

Fili laughed. “It was worth a shot. Want me to pick you up later?”

"Considering you took my car, yeah, you better pick me up," Kili said. "Dork." He put Fili on hold and groaned. "Okay. Now we’re going to listen to some music while I yell at the idiot I’m dating."


	66. Phone Sex (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> misskatieleigh replied to your post: Paradox Snippet Prompts  
> kili’s feelings on fili’s short haircut … or kili picks out fili’s clothes for a night out.. or phone sex / sexting / skype while kili is working at the radio station one night ?

“How long is the break?” Fili asked as Kili locked the door to the bathroom.

"Long enough for this," Kili said, his back against the door. “Fuck but I miss you."

"My flight’s on Wednesday," Fili said. “You don’t have anything on Wednesday, right? I can’t wait to get you alone and back in the apartment."

"Starting my clinicals," Kili said, biting his lip. "I’d push it back but it was the only rotation I could get."

"We’ll make it work," Fili said. “Tell me what you’re wearing?"

Kili laughed. “One of your army shirts and those bondage pants you hate.”

"The one with the chains?"

"Nah, the ones with the caution straps," Kili said. “The baggy ones."

"Yeah, the others show off your ass better," Fili said.

Kili laughed and checked his watch. “Fuck I want you home,” he said. “I hate doing this over the phone.”

"What, you want me to be able to shove you up against the wall and fuck you stupid?" Fili asked.

"I was more thinking you holding me down," Kili said, leaning against the door and closing his eyes. "Like the first time. You pushing me down on the bed with your hand on my neck as you fuck me." Kili could hear the clink of Fili’s belt. "You like holding me down as you fuck me, Fili, don’t you? Your hand on the back of my neck with your cock inside me."

Fili groaned and Kili reached down, adjusting himself through his own pants. He could just hear the sound of Fili’s hand sliding over his prick. Kili bit his lip and closed his eyes.

"I want you to do that, Fee, want you to hold me down and fuck my ass like it was made for you," Kili said. "You want that?"

Fili’s breathing grew harsher and Kili unzipped his pants, sticking his hand down his boxers to grab his own cock. “Kee,” Fili panted. “Tell me more.”

"I want you to get home so you can tie me down," Kili said, pressing the phone between his ear and his shoulder as he stroked himself. "I want your tongue in my ass, licking and fucking me open. Want your fingers and your cock, your mouth, I want it all."

Fili swore and Kili could hear the muffled cry as his brother came. Kili moved his hand faster, tighter, wanting to come. He didn’t have too much time left before the next set but he didn’t want to get off the phone with Fili.

"Fuck, fuck, Kee," Fili panted. "Shit, do you have any idea what I’m gonna do to you when I get back home?"

"Tell me," Kili begged. "Tell me what you’re gonna do to me."

"I’m going to tie you down and shove that plug up your ass," Fili said. "You know the one, the one with the vibe?"

"Oh god," Kili moaned. "Fili."

"I’m gonna sit there and watch you, just like you tempted me with last year," Fili said. "Gonna watch you and listen to you beg for my cock. You’d beg me for it, wouldn’t you? You’d beg me to fuck you."

Kili gasped and came all over his hand, his legs giving out as he slid tot he floor. “Fuck, Fee,” he whispered. He tried to catch his breath and licked his lips, looking at his hand. “It needs to be Wednesday,” he said.

Fili chuckled. “I’ll see if I can get an earlier flight, okay?”

"You better," Kili said, licking his hand clean.


	67. Tattoo (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paradox-Kili helping Fili pick out a tattoo?  
> ceealaina

"You seriously want ink?" Kili asked as they walked into Kili’s parlor. "I mean, you getting a piercing was enough. You have nothing to prove to me."

Fili laughed, tugging Kili in for a kiss. “I want one.”

"Yeah, and what’re you gonna get, soldier boy?" Kili asked. 

"No goddamned clue," Fili said with a laugh.

Kili laughed and looked up as Jean came out of the back. “Hey, Jean, this is my brother Fili. He’s looking to get some ink done.”

Jean shook Kili’s hand and pulled him into a back slapping hug. “Yeah, Gareth said something about him coming by for a piercing. You got any idea what you’re looking for?”

Fili shook the hand Jean offered. “No idea, actually. I just know I want something today. It’s important.”

Kili tilted his head. “Why?”

"Today is the three year anniversary of when my unit got killed," Fili said. "Scar’s not enough. I need something else."

Jean rubbed his chin. “Anything specific? Your unit marker? Standard military ink?”

Fili shook his head. “No, nothing like that.”

Kili tugged Fili’s shirt up and pointed to his navel. “Ouroboros.”

Fili looked at him. “What?”

"That would work nicely," Jean said. 

"Things begin as they end," Kili said.

Fili nodded, looking down. “Yeah, that. That works.”

"Grayscale," Kili said, "probably better as Norse, Jörmungandr?"

Jean nodded and grabbed a pad of paper and started sketching something out before showing it to Fili. Fili reached out and touched the quick pen lines and nodded. “Do it.”


	68. Drunk Idiots (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunken idiots talking about their first times  
> ceealaina  
> (Paradox)

Fili threw back his fifth shot of tequila and laughed as Kili tried balancing his empty shot glass on his nose. The glass fell and thunked against the wood floor.

"Ooh, too bad!" Fili laughed.

Kili grinned, leaning over and kissed Fili. “Okay, okay, truth,” he said.

"Okay, truth. Truth… who was your first?" Fili asked.

"You were," Kili said as he got up to sit in Fili’s lap.

"Yeah but you have multiple firsts," Fili said. "Who was your first kiss?"

Kili nibbled on Fili’s lips. “Kara Jenkins, twelve, day all the shit went down. Want me to keep going?”

Fili stared at him and pulled him in for a kiss. Kili made a tiny sound and leaned into it, letting Fili lay down with him on top as they made out on the couch.


	69. Sick Day (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of the boys is sick/hungover, the other takes care of them?  
> dothraki-shieldmaiden

Kili drew a cold bath and let it run as he went back to the bedroom to tug Fili out of bed. “C’mon, Fee, up we go,” he said, pulling Fili’s arm over his shoulder and supporting him into the bathroom. Fili’s temperature had continued to go up for the last day, enough that had Kili worried, and he was going through as many steps as he could to lower the fever.

"Kee," Fili murmured. "Wanna sleep."

Kili helped Fili into the tub. “You can sleep after this, okay? Promise, just gotta stay in here for a little bit, okay?”

Fili tried to climb out once Kili got him in, stuttering about the cold. Kili kissed his forehead and sat on the floor next to the tub, shutting off the water and holding Fili’s hand. Kili rubbed his thumb over Fili’s fingers and hummed a song softly, something he’d written but hadn’t put words to yet. Fili clung to his hand, teeth chattering, but relaxed enough that the cold water could soak away some of the heat.


	70. Gun Kink (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kili tags along with fili when he visits the shooting range one time?  
> misskatieleigh

Kili watched as Fili emptied a clip into the little paper figure from his spot on the wall behind Fili. He squirmed uncomfortably, his pants feeling a little too tight, wondering if maybe he should have said no when Fili asked if he wanted to tag along. He had no idea how arousing it would be to watch Fili handle his weapon, to brace his body and square his shoulders, to raise his arm and aim, to obliterate the paper target.

Kili waited until Fili lowered his arms and cleared his gun before striding forward and grabbing his brother, kissing him hungrily. Fili wasn’t expecting it and grabbed the counter to keep himself from falling as they kissed, the hand holding his gun going around to pull Kili closer. Kili moaned, arching against Fili and clinging to him. When they broke for air, Fili laughed and nuzzled Kili’s stubbly cheek.

"I’m thinking you shouldn’t come here with me anymore," Fili said.

"I’m just happy you brought the car," Kili said. "Because you need to take me there right now and fuck me."

"How are you this turned on?" Fili asked, setting the gun down behind him and pressing a hand against Kili’s crotch. "Shit, Kee, I think you have a kink."

"You need to fuck me," Kili moaned, curling in around Fili. "Please, god, I need you to."

Fili kissed Kili’s cheek and pushed him away. “Go wait in the car while I sign out, all right?”

Kili licked his lips and turned, walking as quickly as his dick would let him.


	71. Myrmecophobia (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myrmecophobia- Fear of ants.  
> snarkasaurus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> …this is a mean prompt D: BUT HEY. SOMEONE ELSE CAN SHARE MY TERROR. For the record, the event Kili mentions actually happened in my last apartment. I was traumatized.
> 
> [This is what started Paradox, if you were curious, though it didn't actually turn out to be the same verse]

"What the hell was that?" Kili asked, a slice of pizza halfway to his mouth.

Fili was finishing off a mozzarella stick, looking away from the TV to his brother’s horrified face. “What’s what?”

Kili pointed at the black insect, an ant, as big as a quarter, crawling across the floor by the coffee table. He was horrified, drawing his legs up onto the couch and close to his body. He tossed his pizza slice back into the box and started edging closer to Fili. Fili watched him, smiling, as Kili crawled his way behind Fili, almost edging him off the couch.

"Please don’t tell me you’re afraid of a bug," Fili said.

"It’s not just a bug," Kili hissed. "It’s an ant. A mother fucking HUGE ass ant!"

"What’s with you and ants anyway?" Fili asked, getting up off the couch to grab a shoe.

Kili pressed against the back of it, watching the large ant make its way across the floor and up the leg of the coffee table. “You remember our last place?”

"I remember the kitchen was a nightmare," Fili said, lifting the pizza box off the table and slamming his shoe down on the ant with a loud crunch.

Kili flinched as Fili dropped his sneaker to the ground and used a paper towel to clean up the dead ant carcass. Kili squirmed, getting up off the couch and grabbing the canister of Clorax wipes and started cleaning the coffee table, the leg, and bit of floor Kili knew the foul creature had been on. Fili watching in in amusement.

"So, I came home from class one night when you were off on that hiking trip with your frat brothers," Kili said. "And the kitchen counters were this sea of black writhing bodies. Like, it was covered in nothing but ants. No reason for them to be there, no food or anything, but they just were. I vacuumed them all up and started putting up traps and using a bunch of so-called proven home remedies to ants. None of it worked. I found them in the cat’s kibble, in food that had never been opened before, all over. It freaked me out."

Fili frowned. “I don’t remember that.”

Kili tossed the Clorox wipe in the trash and sat down on the couch again, knees to his chest, keeping a wary eye on the floor. “Yeah, I got rid of them. Freaked me out but yeah, they were gone. Besides, ever since Smaug’s been more than happy to chow down on whatever creepy crawly happens to show up in the apartment.”

"Our cat," Fili laughed. "Bug catcher."

"He has to earn his keep too, you know," Kili said.


	72. Uncles [Hobbit]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short skirt verse, Uncle Thorin and Bilbo with the grand niece and nephew.  
> Anonymous

"Thank you for agreeing to look after them," Fili said as he handed Thorin the two small backpacks. "We didn’t want them to have to see Kili like this."

"She’s going to be okay, right?" Bilbo asked, keeping an eye on the two kids as they raced and shrieked at each other in the front yard.

"Yeah, she’ll be okay. It’s a really bad case of the flu and the doctor wants her in the hospital just to make sure," Fili said. "Getting the kids out of the house is good too, just to make sure they don’t catch it from me."

Thorin nodded and clapped Fili on the shoulder. “We’re happy to have them. Now, go, take care of your sister.”

Fili gave them a quick, tight smile before taking off for the car. The kids came running over to Thorin and Bilbo a few minutes after Fili had driven off. 

"Is there cake?" Giselle asked with a hopeful smile as she bounced on her feet a little.

"I wanted cookies," Julian said with a pout.

Bilbo chuckled and knelt down in front of both kids and ruffled their hair. “I don’t have either but if you want we can make cookies for now and then maybe make a pie for after dinner. Would you guys wanna help me do that?”

Giselle nodded. “Maybe we can take some to mama later?” she asked hesitantly.

Thorin reached down and swept his niece into his arms. “We can’t go see her now but when she comes home I think she’d be thrilled to see what treats Bilbo’s taught you to make.”

"Your mama," Bilbo said, picking Julian up and starting for inside. "Loves apple crisp. Every time I make it she ends up fighting us for it. I think she once stabbed your da with a fork when he tried to steal some of it."

"She didn’t!" Giselle gasped, hands flying to her mouth as Thorin and Bilbo brought the kids inside.

"Oh, she did," Thorin laughed. "Your da, though, he’s got a thing for lemons. Lemon bars, lemon meringue pie, you name it, he loves it. That’s why your mama makes them so often."

"I like the oreo pie mama makes," Julian said. "She doesn’t make it that often but it’s really good!"

"Oreos, hunh?" Bilbo asked. "I think we can manage something with oreos."

"The only thing you’re doing with oreos is letting me and Giselle see who can get the perfect twist off," Thorin said. Giselle giggled and hugged Thorin around the neck. "I even bought the double stuffed so we’d have more of a challenge!"

"You’re worse than the children," Bilbo said. He set Julian down on the counter in the kitchen and handed him a large mixing bowl which promptly went on the little boy’s head.

"Hands off the oreos," Thorin said, kissing Bilbo’s cheek before setting Giselle down. "All right, we’re going to help Bilbo make the cookies and then I think we should watch some movies, what do you say?"

"Can we watch Jurassic Park?" Giselle asked hopefully. "I wanna see the dinosaurs."

"Mama said we couldn’t watch it without her and da!" Julian protested from the counter.

"Noooo," Giselle said, hands on her hips. "She said we couldn’t watch it without an adult!"

Thorin smiled while Bilbo shook his head. “You guys want to watch dinosaurs?” he asked.

"Yeah," Giselle said. "Dinosaurs are awesome!"

"They’re not that awesome," Julian said, tipping the mixing bowl on his head further down over his eyes.

"How about we watch Dinotopia?" Bilbo said. "It’s got a little something for everyone."

"Can we watch cowboys instead?" Julian asked.

"We can watch a cowboy movie too," Bilbo said. "But for that we’d need to make extra cookies."

Giselle bit her lip. “Can we make snickerdoodles?”

"We can definitely make snickerdoodles," Bilbo said. "But we’ll have to be very careful. Those are Uncle Thorin’s favorite."

"Everything you make is my favorite," Thorin said.

Bilbo grinned and pointed at the fridge. “Giselle, we’re going to need eggs and butter!”

Giselle smiled and flounced off to the fridge, pulling it out and grabbing what Bilbo needed while Thorin sat down at the kitchen table and watched.


	73. Teachers (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili/Kili modern!au where both are teachers :)  
> legolaslover1

"First block is always the worst," Kili said, slumping along Fili’s back. "I hate my kids. They’re loud and obnoxious or they’re falling asleep."

"Your kids love you," Fili said as he graded the photography portfolios of his last block senior class. "I think it has something to do with your Mythbuster Week and that you show them how to make gum, silly putty, and booze in class."

Kili groaned, nuzzling into Fili’s stubbled chin. “I hate first block,” he whined.

"I know you had your coffee this morning," Fili said. "I know because it was the only way I got you out of bed. So what’s the deal, brat? You got sleep, caffeine. You’ve got your lesson plans done and you’re mostly caught up on your grading."

Kili smiled against Fili’s skin.

"Oh hell, you want something. What do you want?"

"Mmnope," Kili said. "That would be too easy." He moved, licking and sucking at Fili’s ear while Fili continued to focus on his grading.

"This wouldn’t have anything to do with the upcoming three-day weekend, would it?" Fili asked.

Kili straightened and stretched, his joints popping. “Nope.”

"Second block is starting soon," Fili warned, pointing his red pen at the clock.

"At least they’re a little less annoying," Kili said. "Though I’ve got a couple of juniors and seniors who end up ignoring the class and start playing Texas Hold ‘Em."

Fili laughed. “Nothing wrong with that.”

"Nope, I love teaching young card sharks," Kili said. "Lunch?"

Fili made a grunt of affirmation and ignored Kili pout as he left. He watched, eyes on Kili’s ass as his brother sashayed out the door, before pulling out his cell and checking his email. The confirmation for his reservation at a bed and breakfast up near Niagara Falls was sitting in his inbox. He had a free period now, he could nip back home and grab their bags, packing the car and then kidnapping Kili up to New York. It would be wonderful to see Kili’s surprise once they got on the highway. Nothing but a weekend of them, nature, and a very large and comfortable bed.


	74. Lazy Sundays (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One Kill & a lazy Sunday morning?  
> Anonymous

Kili felt the bed dip and move and let out a soft mumble of protest before groping at the blankets and pulling them up over his shoulder a little more. Dwalin chuckled and the bed moved some more as the older man braced himself and leaned over, kissing Kili’s bare shoulder before he left the bedroom. Kili heard the shower start and had the vague idea to crawl out of bed and join Dwalin, wake up plastered against him in the warm downpour…

…

…the next time Kili cracked an eye open the curtains had been thrown open, a towel hung over the opened bedroom door, and he could barely hear the music playing from the kitchen. It sounded like 90s grunge rock, something they both had a ridiculous love for. Kili closed his eyes and hummed softly, rolling onto his back and twisting as he cracked his back, neck, collarbones, fingers, and toes in that order. He flopped bonelessly back against the mattress and curled up around Dwalin’s pillow, nosing into it and idly tempted to just go back to sleep.

“Lazy,” Dwalin said from the doorway. Kili smiled into the pillow and hummed an agreement. A mug was set on the dresser by the door and then Dwalin was on the bed, peeling the blankets and sheets away from Kili. He couldn’t help the whine he let out; it was much colder in the bedroom than under the covers. Kili flopped around the bed, trying very badly to get the covers back, as Dwalin laughed. “You are a ridiculous child, Haegan.”

Kili gave up his fight for the covers and instead decided that crawling inside Dwalin’s shirt was a good idea. The man was warm and comfortable and, if he was lucky, Dwalin would agree that lazy morning sex was a decent reason to stay in bed.

"What are you, part cat?" Dwalin groused, fighting against Kili’s onslaught.

"Mmmwarm," Kili said. He counted it as a minor victory when he finally got rid of Dwalin’s tshirt. "Warm me up?"

"I know your games," Dwalin said, grabbing at Kili’s hands and holding his wrists.

Kili smiled up at Dwalin and wiggled. “Yeah? Does that mean you’re gonna make me wake up the no fun way?”

"And what would the fun way be?" Dwalin asked.

Kili tugged his hands free and sat up enough that he could crawl into Dwalin’s lap. He nuzzled at the older man’s bearded jaw and reached down, palming Dwalin’s erection. “Fun way.”

Dwalin laughed. “Princess.”

Kili tilted his head until he could drag his teeth along the stubbled patch of Dwalin’s jaw. The laugh turned into something a little deeper, a little darker, sending a thrill down Kili’s spine. He shivered happily, looking down at Dwalin, only to yelp as the other man dumped him back on the bed. With impersonal and efficient hands Kili was stripped and had his legs hitched up around Dwalin’s bare waist.

"Predictable," Dwalin said as he ground against Kili.

Kili licked his lips, trying not to smile, and twitched his hips. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing.”

"Not at all," Dwalin said, leaning in and kissing Kili slowly.


	75. Shiny! (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sea Siren verse - Dwalin & Nori  
> upallnightogetloki

Dwalin hopped out of the boat with a splash and dragged the boat after him as he made his way to shore. Getting the boat out of the way now would be best so he wouldn’t have to worrying about it when…occupied. Once he was sure the little boat wasn’t going to go anywhere, he waded back into the water up to his knees and waited.

A couple of minutes ticked by with nothing but the sound of the surf and the pull and push of the current until he felt fingers walking up the back of his calf. He looked down at the water, grinned, and waited some more. The fingers became a hand, both of them grabbing fast to Dwalin’s ankles and pulling him gently off his feet. Dwalin went with it, controlling his descent into the ocean, letting the water wrap around his face as he went under.

Nori was there, smiling cheerfully at him, and leaning in to kiss Dwalin’s cheek before darting away. Dwalin surfaced and chuckled before walking out a little further at the sight of a pale tail flicking through a wave. Nori was showing off, the sun glinting off his gold and yellow scales, his white translucent fins twirling about with him. It was a sight to see but Dwalin wanted a little more than a show. He dug into his pocket and produced a long gold chain with many odd charms hanging off it. He’d found it in a raid and throught it was something Nori would have picked up when he was still part of the crew.

As soon as Dwalin had it out of his pocket Nori was curled around him, pawing at the metal wrapped around his fist. “What’s this?” Nori asked as Dwalin lifted his arm, bringing the mer with him. “That’s nice. Is it for me? It better be for me. I want that.”

"Goldfish brain," Dwalin said affectionately. He shook his arm a little and Nori let go, falling back into the water and floating on his back as he watched Dwalin closely. Dwalin leaned down, wrapping the gold chain around the base of Nori’s tail, right where his tan skin met the first few shimmery scales. "There."

Nori immediately folded in on himself, trying to examine every charm on the chain, swimming in tight circles as the jewelry moved with him. Once he was done he hefted himself into Dwalin’s waiting arms and kissed him. “Hello.”

"Hello yourself," Dwalin laughed.

"I’ve missed you," Nori said. "Can you stay for a while?"

"I’ve got a week," Dwalin said. "Kili is distracting everyone so no one will miss me."

Nori gave him a sly smirk before kissing Dwalin again. “Good prince.”

"Had something to do with that, did you?"

Nori slid out of Dwalin’s arms and slipped under the water as he kicked up sand. When the ocean and sand had calmed it was impossible to see the mer. Well. If hide and seek was what Nori wanted, then hide and seek Dwalin would give him.


	76. Anniversary (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonded, celebrating an anniversary?  
> phoebe-artemis

Kili stared at Fili, biting his lip and trying hard not to just jump his brother where he stood. “You—”

Fili coughed. “Yeah, well. Anniversary.”

"You’re going to let me tie you up because it’s our anniversary?" Kili asked.

"Well, uh—yes, I—Not just because."

Kili grinned and backed Fili up against the wall and kissed him. “What else do I get?” Fili cleared his throat and avoided Kili’s eyes for a moment. “Oh. Oh!”

Fili chuckled softly. “You are, sometimes, very easy to please.”

"Only sometimes?" Kili asked, nuzzling at Fili’s cheek. He ducked his head slightly and nipped at the silver bead at the end of Fili’s mustache, gripping it in his teeth.

Fili huffed a soft laugh and tugged Kili closer. “You’re ridiculous.”


	77. Fireflies (Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zombie Kili, what do they do to be romantic in a post-zombie apocalypse world?  
> phoebe-artemis

"It’s done?" Kili asked as Fili hustled him out the door. There was a jug in one hand, a large blanket tossed over his arm, and a beat up fabric bag in Fili’s other hand as he used his feet to steer Kili where he wanted.

"Yes, it’s done," Fili said. "I can’t believe you found that stuff!"

Kili looked back over his shoulder at Fili with a wide smile. “I find the best stuff.”

"Look where you’re going," Fili chided softly. "You’ll fall into the lake and then where will you be?" 

"Very wet," Kili said. "What’s in the basket?"

"So nosy," Fili said. He shifted his burdens until he could throw the blanket at Kili. "Go find some place good to sit, yeah?"

Kili smiled and took the blanket, kissing Fili’s cheek before darting off into the dark. He found a spot where they could see the fireflies and smoothed the blanket down over the grass and dirt. The bumps and uneven ground would annoy them both in time, but for now there would be little issue. Fili found him easily enough as they sat, spreading out the simple food they had, and passing the bottle of homemade rum back and forth. The night was dark with the sky full of stars and the gentle yellow glow of fireflies.

"Love you," Kili murmured sleepily, nuzzling against Fili’s neck.

"Mmm and I you," Fili said, wrapping an arm around Kili’s shoulders.


End file.
